Sex Q&A: Love Triangle Triumph

Veronica’s Question:

I’m confused. For three years, I’ve been friends with this man. In January, for fun, we became intimate. It wasn’t supposed to continue, and it has. He is involved with a married woman. He swears that he loves her, and wants to be with her. However, their situation is in limbo.

We both have strong feelings for each other. On the other hand, he still swears he’ll wait for this woman. I’ve pulled back on the physical contact. Should I let it go, and risk not being friends? Is there a chance for us to be a couple?

Liam ext. 9290’s Response:

Greetings, Veronica. It sounds to me as if you have taken a page from the ancient tome of conventional wisdom in regards to landing this fellow. I’d strongly advise recalculating your formula for success. It’s imperative to understand the deeper motives of the players involved before creating a strategy. In this case, I sense a rather remarkable opportunity for you on several levels. Often when we deal with issues of love and sex, we get tangled in the sticky, sweet web of idealism. Cutting away at that confining trap is a painful and empowering endeavor.

We are all creatures enslaved by our own programmed perceptions. Being no exception, your fellow has fallen victim to a remarkable vixen. She can weave and conjure, casting images of herself that are extremely seductive. For a man like yours, weak-willed and full of frilly notions, her sensual spell is one he cannot resist. In fact, at the moment, he is utterly terrified of confronting you, which would conflict with his ideal and her spell. You have a great potency which doesn’t rely on crafty imagery and schoolgirl games to get what you desire.

Idealistic states are idealistic, because they cannot be attained through one’s own effort. We need priests to get to heaven, or a partner to gain completion. If we conduct ourselves according to the rules, our wish for happiness will be granted. Your man’s friend creates an ideal in his mind of them being together in the most blissful of heavens forever and ever. She dangles herself as the grandest prize. It’s not a bad play, actually, and my hat is off to her. You’re going to need grit, if you intend to set yourself up as her rival.

To win the contest, don’t play by her rules. She’s establishing the ideal. She’s withholding the coup de grâce, and keeping him in the balance. She withholds sex to empower herself and master his mind. The thought that she might stay married is a poison to his soul, and she never misses an opportunity to quietly flaunt this possibility. It’s the cornerstone of her game.

What you have to get fixed in your head is that ideals are not solid things, and they often crumble in the face of simple primitive drives. Always respect their power, and in respecting that power, move to maneuver on a field of operation far less lofty. It won’t make you Miss Popular with your friends. If you mean to win this fellow, you’ll need to usurp your rival with tricks more vital than sugar-coated fantasies.

You say you’ve started pulling back from him sexually. Why on earth would you do that? Now you’re playing her game, which is exactly what she’d like you to do. Your sexual embrace is the most powerful weapon in your arsenal, and you’d do well to start brandishing it with full intention. After all, you stepped into this knowing full well he had other interests. What do you think to gain now by removing his source of pleasure?

You need to deal in what is real, vital, and primal. Use heat and passion to cut through the gauzy film of her faraway fancies. Obviously, you’ve already shaken his steadfast resolve. If he was really so smitten with her, he wouldn’t be visiting your bed. He’d fear she’d find out, and cast him aside. Her hold on him loosens each time you accept him as a lover. What you give him is more devastating to her illusion than anything else. Sex is a primary hunger, and there is little by way of fantasy that can stand in the face of such an instinctive drive.

Remember, the prime motivators of life are pleasure and pain. There is nothing else. You must strive to give only pleasure. Be a source of comfort. Adopt an open door policy, and offer yourself as a balm for his deepest pain. Let him know his happiness is your happiness. When he comes around, drown him in wine and music, shadow and silks. Feed him his favorite food prepared by your own hands. Be the clever woman who always knows his most secret fetishes, his deepest, darkest needs. Let him go on seeking the conquest of her. Indeed, encourage his endeavors. Since you are seeking to shatter a mirage, there is no reason to fear something that isn’t real. Admit that you think his fascination with the woman is silly. Also, admit that his pain is not, and show your concern for him. Never openly oppose his plans to win her. Make certain he knows that when she has done her damage, your body and soul will be his to enjoy.

You choose to spend your time with him because he is important to you, not what he offers. You like being with him for him. If it’s a long-term relationship you really want, keep it to yourself, and go about the business of comforting his body and soul. All the while, this other woman will keep tormenting and torturing. Soon, nothing she gives will be of merit compared to you, the one who behaves like a Goddess seeking only to fulfill his desires.

Right now, he fears that his treasured ideal could be stolen by you. He guards and defends it. You’ll have to coax him into relaxing around you, and then you can work your magick. In time, he’ll give up his foolish notions of this other woman. Then you can feast upon his attentions to your heart’s content. It’s a lot of work. Make sure he’s worth it before proceeding. If not, then leave him to his starvation of the soul, and find some other, more delightful, pursuits for yourself.

Liam

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5 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Love Triangle Triumph

  1. an array

    In defense of Liam – the bottom line here is a goddess power and wisdom knows what she wants and needs and to satisfy the man of her desires is exactly getting her needs met also – a real goddess mind doesnt worry about anything of strategy or games or future end results – just relishing the present

    Reply
  2. tray

    OMG, I can’t believe I read that. Counter a game with what amounts to another game? And one in which even the winner will lose? Please. Veronica, dear, get in counseling NOW and diligently seek to find out why you have such low self esteem. Then decide what you can do about it. Game playing, selfish, arrogant, neurotic men like him are not special at all, and not unique in any way. Nor is his married lover. They’re both a dime a dozen.

    Now, Veronica, let’s step aside from any flowery sanction of your situation and look at the dynamics and face reality. You ask “Is there a chance for us to be a couple?” you don’t need a psychic to answer that. You don’t know for sure what that lothario has with his married lover or what she spoonfeeds to him. You only know what he chooses to tell you. He’s cheating with a cheater, and cheating on a cheater by being with you, does that sound like someone who respects the truth? Or respects marriage or the sanctity of a committed relationship? Or respects you and your feelings? From what you said he respects very little except his own adolescent libido and his raging hormones. And why do you think he pursues that which is out of reach? Could it be because he’s incapable of commitment and perhaps even likes dangerous trysts?

    Further, do you really think he’d magically change for you and actually be faithful to you? Or is a cheating mate/husband OK with you? Do you want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder, having to check up on him, being hung up on when you answer the phone, and feeling in second place? Do you want even more heartache and misery than he gives you now? Do you want to constantly worry about STD’s and, Veronica, you should be very cautious about HIV even if he uses a condom (researchers have found the HIV virus in saliva).

    There is a school of thought that arguably says we can’t help who we fall in love with. Be that as it may, we can certainly help who we choose to be involved with and what you said about him screams “RUN!”. Please consider finding a worthwhile, available man. Good luck, dear.

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  3. Leisha Gibbons

    But Liam a man like that in my opinion doesnt deserve that woman’s love and can love her for eternally, if she works hard in trying to get him, will a man llike that change for the good be there forever? or just temporary. I feel only temporary as I have seen alot of people in that situation.

    Reply
  4. valeriann

    Sorry, this advice is quite unsound, even though Liam is an incredibly romantic and erotic writer.
    His subject will regret entering into sexual competition with another woman she has never met. He might even be making the whole thing up not to get committed to her! The real point is that they have been friends for 3 years, now sex has suddenly cropped up, now he can come and moan to a friend how committed he is to somebody else who can never commit to him, and also have a second sexual partner trying desperately to be nice, to be more sexy, to be more loving.
    Why should he wish to change that?
    If the realistic role of real friend has lasted for 3 years, why not continue it? She wants her friend to be her lover but while he is saying he’s desperately in love with someone else, she must accept that. She should tell him that friends last forever but the unattainable married woman is just a dream.
    “Behave like a Goddess seeking only to satisfy his desires”? The idea of partnerships is that both people look after each other. The lady should not “put herself down.”
    Also, if they are friends forever with no sex, then she can describe to him the wonderful sex she’s found with someone new (never naming him of course) and saying, what a pity we never got together ourselves . . .

    Reply
  5. misskrystalmisskrystal

    Very interesting, Liam…There are some men who have issues with women who accept them as they are-not a challenge, and sometimes they feel she is a woman who settles too easily….Now, I am not saying we should not accept men as they are-this is a difficult type of situation-very complex and loaded…But this type of man is out there….I like your take on it, Liam….You are in a league of your own…Again, never seen writing like this before…Explosive talent…Funny, but as a different type of writer, in the past, I have always gone to writers under your sign (can’t say but I know what it is) for editing…hehe Huggies, your bud,
    miss krystal

    Reply

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