When You Hate Your Friend’s Spouse

You’ve been close friends for some time and now your friend has chosen a mate you don’t like one bit. The most important thing you can do is silence your loose tongue. If you value your relationship with your friend, look for the positive attributes of their new mate. You might be feeling a little jealous … now your friend has a new priority, and it’s not you.

When your friend is so wrapped up in their new partner they can’t see straight, you are going to have to have some patience and support them. It’s easy to criticize someone who has changed the group dynamic, but this was your friend’s choice. Resist the chance to immediately list all of the partner’s faults when they get into an argument.

Once your friend has moved on from a fight and forgiven their partner, you have to drop it too — stop cataloging it away as a future weapon against this person. It will only lead to bad feelings for everyone. If you are single, you may be able to widen your circle of potential mates through this new addition to your group. Your friend is probably not looking for the same qualities you are in a mate, so don’t judge your friend too harshly for sharing their life with someone who doesn’t meet your standards. It’s only going to lead to the demise of your friendship and your friend will stop sharing with you.

Try to make an effort to arrange activities and events that everyone can participate in as a group. If you’re married, your spouse might be able to occupy your friend’s partner and you will get the quality time you need with your friend. If you stop including your friend because of their new mate, it’s only going to affect you negatively.

Drop any bad nicknames you may be using for your friend’s partner or spouse. If word gets back to them, you are the one who is going to lose. Nicknames will also self-sabotage your efforts to form a more positive opinion of this person.

Why is all the responsibility on you? You are the one who doesn’t like your friend’s partner. If you want to remain close with your friend, then you have to make an effort to respect the choices that are not yours to make.

6 thoughts on “When You Hate Your Friend’s Spouse

  1. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    This is a fabulous article. From start to finish.
    Thanks. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have seen a friend “throw a bomb” with this one. A lot of people have this issue. And a lot of friendships have been destroyed over this issue. You are so right! Perfect advice! Bravo!
    Miss Krystal

  2. Heidi Kentwood

    I had this experience years ago — a friend married a rude buffoon. The man even grabbed her hair in front of me. I had to bite my tongue. I asked her why she endured his treatment and she replied, “I love him.” Needles to say, they’re still married but I slowly drifted apart from this friend. It was too difficult to watch her endure her karmic lessons by allowing his behavior to continue.

  3. AngelEyes

    That’s a tough situation and there isn’t one simple answer. I think the best way is to let them know in a caring way without insulting or attacking the spouse in question. But in the end, relationships are learning experiences so you need to let them experience it for themselves and hope they learn so they won’t get involved with a similar person if it indeed turns sour.

    Typically, they won’t listen to you, so the best you can do is just be there for them when something happens or they break it off.

  4. Jen

    I think it’s true that you have to step aside for your friend … but what if there really is something wrong with their partner? How do you break it to them?

  5. AngelEyes

    Friends have a different perspective, so it is important to also listen and consider their warnings when they are presented in a concerned constructive way.

    If you trust your instincts, you should be able to decipher whether or not your friends are jealous of someone taking your time or they are truly concerned and see something that you might have overlooked or aren’t paying attention to.

    In the end, we know what’s best for us, and no one is perfect, so enjoy the experience.


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