What Women Think … In Bed

“But it was only fantasy…
the wall was too high as you can see.
No matter how [s]he tried, [s]he could not break free”
— Pink Floyd, The Wall

So we all know that men have active sexual thoughts and fantasies. They typically think about sex more frequently than women (Every 20 seconds, anyone?).  But what do women think about when they’re doing the deed?!

Hey guys — the next time your woman seems to be wandering off in thought, she may be  daydreaming or fantasizing!  But … about what?

Can you guess?

Drum roll please ….

The #1 answer: Being ravished by their favorite lead actor (I’ve thought about this while dreaming, not while making love, mind you — Robert Downey Jr. does it for moi) This gets the juices pumping and flowing for women in longer term relationships or with those who have husbands, and that’s all they need to get hot and heavy!

2. Some women think about their favorite toys, pleasure enhancing gadgetry does the trick for them. They don’t need to use it, mind you, just thinking about it seems to get things moving in the right direction.

3. Women who are in and out of relationships think about ex-lovers,  contrasting and comparing it to their real time lovemaking session with their current flame. (Don’t smack me – I’ve done this!)

So why aren’t ladies thinking about their men and what they’re doing to (and for) them in the moment? Are they putting up a wall? Is it a defense mechanism or cover for something deeper? When a relationship turns lackluster, so does its sex life.

Is this on point? Does it really DO IT for you?

All you ladies out there — tell us what you’re REALLY thinking about when you’re horizontal…

29 thoughts on “What Women Think … In Bed

  1. Pingback: Guys, Some Pointers « succeedingfulyou

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  3. jp

    jill I feel your pain. my fantasie isn’t even erotic and I can’t have it so I can understand going to another place in your mind can help.

  4. Jill

    I always had to think of one of my fantasies to get off with any of my exes. I think of really erotic things that none of my exes would do, and imagine those things being done to me. Its the only way I seem to be able to get off when Im with a guy.

  5. Charles

    I have traveled life doing the best I could for my own happiness. I have lived life in the fast lane, and I have been destitute.I have broken hearts, and I have had my heart broken. I have helped people, and I have been helped. I have loved, and I have been loved. I have found, that I have received exactly what I have given. Now I live by one simple ideal. Share a part of what you have, that is good and beautiful, and that which remains, will multiply, and grow.

  6. jp

    Charles you sound like to be one great guy and any women should be proud to have you in life, weather as a husband, a lover or as a friend. I know I would be.

  7. Charles

    I don’t see that you have crossed any lines Jessica. You simply spoke from the heart, and you are to be commended for that. We all go through trials in life, and sometimes we just need someone, anyone, to listen. Don’t feel bad, but rather feel proud, that you have the confidence to say whats in your heart. Remember, good things happen to good people, eventually.

  8. Jessica

    I’m realizing that I feel badly about posting something so personal that has to do with my connection with another human being. It’s not easy to participate in a group discussion, like this, with sincerity, without crossing lines, and I feel I have crossed. It’s so easy in a moment of emotion, to just type something and click “submit,” or “send.” Putting a stamp on an envelope and walking to the mailbox, kind of puts things in perspective!

  9. Jessica

    Not an intrusion, Charles. You’re right, and at the same time, sometimes things need to be allowed to sift and sort themselves a bit. All those layers of awareness and feelings. I don’t want to dissect the situation, so I’ll just say that I feel that the way we’re handling it, is good…that if there’s a shift for one or both of us, that has yet to occur, one that will realign us again, that we can be open to it. And if not, I’ll still be open to love.

  10. Charles

    Pardon the intrusion Jessica. It’s good that you are greatful for the relationship you had. I’m sure you deserved it, and guess what?, you still deserve it. If you feel that what you had is gone, then you’re probably right, so move on, and give someone else the chance of loving you. There are plenty of men out there, just waiting to explode into your life, and give you every satisfaction your heart desires. You owe that to both yourself, and your current partner.

  11. Lisa

    I’m single and want to be in a relationship with my number 1 play pal. But he doesn’t.
    So when ever I’m with anyone I think of him. And when I’m with him, I think of making his pleasure
    even better. Because I get turned on by just watching him.

  12. Jessica

    I agree that being in the moment with my lover, is where I want to be. I don’t wander. I have in other relationships, but the sex and the connection just weren’t that meaningful. I didn’t know it could be so good. What we have seems to be falling apart, and I suppose the sex will too, but I won’t be thinking of anyone else, I’ll just be alone. I agree with Carmen Hexe, it would feel like cheating. When things were really whole with us, the spiritual connection in sex was deeply moving. The sex was so good, I don’t know how to explain it, and spiritually and emotionally, it was pure heaven. We both felt that. Even though I think we may be done, I’m deeply grateful for having had that.

  13. Charles

    Well ladies, now from a mans perspective. I will not, and have never, made love to a woman, simply to satisfy my, or for that matter, her needs. When I do make love, I am totally consumed with passion, and my only thought is to see extreme pleasure in my partners eyes. That’s what turns me on. when my woman explodes, and only then, am I at peace. As an ex boxer, it is instinctive for me to take control when lovemaking, but this control is used to maximize my woman’s pleasure, rather than satisfy my ego. Women don’t seem to mind.

  14. jp

    LOL. my husband must be reading this blog. LOL texed that no toy will be need today lol we will see about that this isn’t the first time he said that but with out hope what do you have? god bless to all

  15. Jason's 4 Ever

    I have to totally disagree with all of the things that you said women think about completely!!! I think about MY MAN and ONLY MY MAN!!!! Just the thought of him touching me sends chills all the way through my body!! We have been together for 4 years and each year it gets BETTER and BETTER!!!! So for all the women out there who have to fantasize…………. I feel SOOOOOOOOO sorry for you!!!! I wish everyone could have a relationship like mine!! If only there were more men in the world like mine!!! I am very lucky!!


  16. terrylee~

    I understand what Gina Rose says, it is all about being in the moment with him for me. there is no room to think because we are sweating, moving, breathing, the energy rises and the animal comes through. i can only be with men who are alpha wolf males, leader of the pack. strong, passionate, in control, loving, loyal, strong, big.
    I cannot be with a submissive male, and if the man is so selfish that he is only using me as a recepticle, then he can talk to hanna and her four sisters for all I care, he ain’t shoppin in my ‘store’ period.

    i have come to a place in my life, that I just can’t be used anymore, and what I have found is that by having that attitude, I get a great deal of respect, but mostly I respect myself.

    I think the article is a great catalyst for conversation.
    thank you

  17. carollynnes

    If I’m fantasizing or thinking of someone else while in bed with someone…that’s not good. The person that’s with me might as well be a ‘toy’ with a heartbeat.

    It’s all about the connection, and if there is none…then your not getting any lol

  18. jp

    sorry but I don’t get what I need from my husband and that been years I take care of his need but he don’t take care of mine so I’m all about the TOYS!!!!!!!!!!!! all the time I do miss the touching and kissing and every thing that goes with the passion of love making. BOB ( battery op boyfriend) can’t do that for me but it is about my health every one need to destress and sex does a lot of good for the body and mind and sprit. his 2min quicky just don’t do nothing for me and YES I have talked, I have asked,I have told,I have texed,I have emailed, him of my needs and fantasies I have droved down to his work and left things in his car with notes, he comes home with in 5 min of him walking through the door we are getting cleaned up, and it is not like we only have sex once a month or even once a week he just don’t care about my needs.
    it’s about him getting off not me. so do I feel bad about my toys NO!!!!!! we all have needs and they too have to be met and it’s not another man meeting my needs.

  19. Diadriel

    D> None of the above. I’m thinking about emotional and physical entwining. I’m paying attention to his reactions and mine. Then, I’m thinking.. ‘what would be stimulating to do to him?’ – again, physically and emotionallly. If I’m reaching outside of the moment and the person, as the other’s have said, something needs to be dealt with that has been, and is being, ignored.

  20. M

    I can’t think! Period! As soon as my man comes within 2 feet of me and I see that look in his blue eyes, my mind goes blank and the rest of me just reacts on instinct and desire. If there are any left over thoughts, they hit the road when his shirt comes off….

  21. Carmen Hexe

    Ha, Gina Rose and Abigail again! The usual suspects 😉

    I, too, cannot think of another when I am with my man. It doesn’t even cross my mind. Not to mention that I would consider that cheating, because if one lives by certain laws of magick, thoughts, emotions, words and actions are creating one’s reality 😉

  22. Abigailx9570

    If I’m thinking of anyone else or being with someone else other than the one I’m getting hot with they are in trouble ……because its done plain and simple. Of course unless you are playing dress up and there’s a pirate ravishing you then hey its all good…LOL

    Many Blessings

  23. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Number 1 never worked for me…..but I try NOT to think in bed…..IF I have to think in bed with a partner than it’s game over for me.
    ( Number 1 wouldn’t work for me unless my fantasy guy was actually in bed with me….LOL)

    I prefer a guy that leaves me no room for thought….if that makes sense.

    On an unrelated topic, I just heard on CNN as I was typing this, that 1/3 of ALL women polled think that their pets are better listeners than their significant other ( spouses or lovers)……LOL!

    Interesting article though…..

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


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