We’ve all heard the scientific explanations that human beings are not meant to be monogamous. We’ve heard that being monogamous is a learned behavior, usually enforced by hundreds of years of conditioning, mainly through religion and various cultural standards.
I do understand that conditioning plays a huge role in how we conduct ourselves with others. But there is one huge factor that is too easily dismissed: free will. While we have a tremendous urge for survival, we also have one for instant gratification. We’re impulsive creatures at times, and we can get easily distracted. This isn’t necessarily good or bad, but must be measured against the vows and promises that we have given others.
I stopped clubbing in my early 20s. I simply stopped putting myself into situations where I could be tempted to stray, as I was going through a time in my life where my convictions and ways of being seemed rather volatile. It became a habit, and to this day I won’t put myself in harm’s way. I guess one could say I conditioned myself to avoid situations that might get scary. Sure, I’m human, and I do get attracted to other guys, but I don’t have to turn it into anything else, and there are many reasons for it. One of them is the promise I made to my husband to be with him and no one else. I am aware of the consequences of my actions, and simply can’t feign ignorance. I do have free will, and I chose to be married. Plus, I don’t see how a few moments of potential fun could possibly outweigh years in a loving relationship.
I think the one thing that a lot of cheaters (especially serial cheaters) are missing is a logical, rational understanding of reality: the knowledge that the grass is NOT always greener. And while people often cheat because their partner didn’t give them enough attention, or isn’t sexual enough, etc., they often fail to see that within no time the new partner is also becoming boring, and also has flaws. Suddenly it all becomes about feeding one’s ego, about instant gratification, and, most importantly, about getting attention. Serial cheaters can’t seem to get enough of it, no matter what. They crave constant flattery, and avoid anyone who would require them to be real, open, or to do work on themselves. I think they are generally very lonely, as they create a mere illusion of love and intimacy. Such an illusion can never lead to true happiness.
Doing the right thing often seems hard – especially in a world where doing the right thing is so easily overlooked, and one is so easily excused after doing the wrong thing. However, I think that the benefits, in the long run, outweigh anything else. I do appreciate a good looking guy, especially if he comes with other traits I admire. Who doesn’t? But I am content to admire from afar, stay friends, and know that I come home to my man who loves me no matter what, finds me exciting and funny no matter what, and can’t wait to see me. There is great happiness in being wanted and “needed,” and there can be great happiness in a life that is predictable. Maybe as human beings we are hard-wired to be difficult, but at least I can decide just HOW difficult my life has to be.
What path do you choose?