How Valentine’s Day Can Ruin Your Relationship

When Valentine’s Day Backfires

Ah Valentine’s Day—it’s a time for love, hate, unity and scrutiny. It offers the opportunity to show your partner how much you love them, while also giving them ammunition to compare your relationship to better ones around them. It is the time to make up for past mistakes, but it’s also the time for breakups. Which side of the Valentine’s Day hump will you be on this year?

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I have faced many breakups during the holidays in my own life, and I am not alone. According to charts, the first Monday of every December is really heart-wrenching for millions of couples. Things calm down around Christmas Day, but then rev up again in February, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Breakups peak again, right around spring break, and then fall away again just in time for your spring and summer fling. Valentine’s Day is just a part of the season of breakups. So why is Valentine’s Day potentially detrimental to your relationships?

It’s Not About the Day

According to studies, it’s not Valentine’s Day that’s detrimental to your relationship. It’s more about the care you have given your relationship throughout the previous weeks and months. It is the idea of what this holiday should mean (“love”) that makes many couples take stock in what they have. If it is not heading in the direction they expected, rather than trying to save it, they choose to just start over. And if you think your relationship could be headed towards a breakup, Facebook says about 36 percent of people break up because their partner is not attractive enough, 22 percent break up over an affair or cheating, and a whopping 56 percent throw in the towel over bad sex.

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It’s About What Came Before

What makes the most sense is to build up to a great Valentine’s Day from the very beginning of your relationship. Be a good listener. Learn how to disagree constructively, and give your partner little drops of sunshine every day. Sure, you could buy your partner the wrong gift or fail to be romantic enough for them on Valentine’s Day, but these aren’t deal breakers. You can avoid a breakup if you have an arsenal of positive experiences to protect your relationship and back you up.

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Your Social Media Wall of Shame 

There is just one more area where a lot of Romeos and Juliets go wrong: social media. How many of us have watched the extravagant proposal videos uploaded to Facebook? Or, how about those great scenes in romantic movies when a man fights his way through a crowd of people just to tell his lady he loves her? In the real world, some special moments should be kept private.

According to research by the University of Kansas, most lovers don’t want their love story shared across the spectrum of friends, strangers, and business professionals who may happen upon their Facebook page. That’s because blasting a romantic, private moment on social media takes away from the intimate feelings behind the sentiment. The takeaway message is, instead of publicly declaring your love for someone special, why not make it more intimate for them and you by writing them a romantic note in a card, or even via text?

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It’s not too late to save some of you from a Valentine’s Day breakup, but for those of you headed toward a breakup, at least you will be better prepared for next year!

One thought on “How Valentine’s Day Can Ruin Your Relationship

  1. GEMINI

    Thank you Chastity for your article. Valentines to me is so over rated and disappointing.
    Valentines to me is about friendships etc, not just for romance. As for me all my relationships have not been the greatest, and they have not been so generous as to remember the day or at least buy me a flower, dinner or jewelery. Its become to commercialized also. So, Valentines is so sad, because I am seeing everybody else getting flowers etc. and me just having bad relationships men are so selfish and unfeeling and thoughtless.

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