The Upper Hand in Love

When it comes to relationships, is it better to take charge or be taken care of? Finding the balance in love can sometimes feel like you’re sitting on a see-saw together – where one of you is flying high and the other is crashing to the ground. Here are the pros and cons of having the upper hand.


In love
There’s something wonderful about being swept off your feet and falling desperately in love. Even if it means you have to let someone else have the upper hand in your life, it’s nice to just let go, follow your heart and enjoy the feelings of excitement and adoration that come with a new relationship.

But if you surrender all of your power in a relationship, and allow your partner to constantly have the upper hand, being desperately in love can quickly turn into flat-out desperation. The more you do to try to please your partner, the more the relationship will be about serving instead of loving.


In control
The other side of that coin: what if you’re the one with the upper hand in the relationship? As appealing as it sounds to be in control of your own love affair, being in control of another person can also be dangerous territory.

When you always have the upper hand, it’s hard to feel the benefits of a true partnership, like mutual respect and trust, because you’re only seeing the version of your partner that’s trying to please you. If you feel the need to constantly have control, you might want to take a look at how you really feel about your partner. If you let go and trust, is your partner able to fulfill you? Or, are you just together because you like calling the shots and being worshipped?

In balance
Good relationships aren’t about control or worship – they’re about partnership. Just like yin and yang or sun and stars, couples need to find the right balance with each other. Rather than trying to control or please the other person, both partners should seek to complement each other’s strengths and compensate for each other’s weaknesses. The individual must sacrifice for the sake of the union, not the other way around. For true balance in a relationship, love should have the upper hand.

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