The Truth About Romance

It may be time to set the record straight regarding a handful of romantic fallacies that have kept us imprisoned! These relationship-related misconceptions need to be bleached from our brains – they’re the sorts of untruths which only amount to frustration and disappointment. So grab the Clorox and let’s get to work!

Myth #1
“You only have one soulmate.” This New Agey notion is soo passé. Truth is, there is no one right person out there who will fulfill all of your lofty ideas about love. Why the undue pressure to find “the one?”

“Fate and destiny both seem romantic in theory, but the truth is your soul will mate with many,” says Brenda Della Casa, journalist and author of Cinderella Was A Liar: The Real Reason You Can’t Find (or Keep) a Prince. “That means you can toss out the silly idea that if you meet a great guy (or girl) and things don’t work out that you are destined to dine solo forever.”

(Hopefully) you are constantly evolving, therefore Frankie may be the one for you today, but there are no guarantees that he’ll be your soul mate in 2010. We attract people into our lives who offer us the opportunity to grow and learn about ourselves and life. If you’re lucky, you grow at the same pace and in the same direction. If not, grieve, learn your lessons, heal and believe you’ll find your next soul mate when the time is right. Don’t fall into the soul mate trap simply to alleviate your insecurities about attachment.

Myth #2
“Mr./Ms. Right will fix all that is wrong!” Does anyone out there still believe that the right person will come along, sweep you off your feet and rescue you from your all your worries? If so, leave those fantasies in the bedroom or for screenwriters who write movie scripts like Pretty Woman and An Officer and a Gentleman. Because, guess what? The only one who can save you from yourself is you. Happiness is not a circumstance to wait for. You have to be satisfied with who you are, where you are in life and what you are doing before you can attract a healthy relationship!

Myth #3
“Your love will change them!” Sure, we’ve all fallen for this one. They’ll change alright – for two weeks max. Sure your ex stopped smoking when you first met them. But once they had you in their back pocket, the American Spirits slowly resurfaced and remained.

Always keep in mind that if they have an angry streak before you tie the knot, they’ll still be ferocious once you’re married. If they’re messy now, they’ll be even more of a slob after you live together. Unless of course, they choose to change for themselves or to meet you half way.

Changing your mate is not only difficult, it’s impossible. Focus on yourself and your growth. And when you get the urge to finger-point, remember that the more you remind them of their inadequacies, the more they’ll regard you as a big, fat nag. Acceptance is the lesson here, along with the realization that it takes more than love to make a relationship work. You need a mature character, total commitment and compatibility. If you can’t accept certain traits, walk away.

Myth #4
“Don’t date someone you meet at a bar.” Wait, if you met them in a bar that means you were in the bar too. Are you a freak? Can you commit? Everyone likes to relax every now and then and if you are both enjoying cocktails with friends and meet one another, why wouldn’t you go out? You clearly already have something in common!

Myth #5
“Don’t make the first move.” One of the biggest romantic fallacies is that men should always make the first move. Newsflash! Hitting on an attractive woman is about as comfortable as going to the dentist. Okay, probably not that painful but you get the point. Men welcome advances. Maybe they like a woman with initiative who is willing to put aside their ego. Keep in mind however that most people prefer subtle versus aggressive first moves.

Myth #6
“You must be married by 35.” There is something wonderfully seductive about the idea of marriage as a sort of life elixir. But it’s not true. Would you rather be married once at the age of 42 or a two-time divorcee by the age of 30? The days of the “old maid” are long gone.