Relationship Rescue

I’m sure many of you have been/are romantically involved with someone that provokes others to say, “Get out now,” “Stop wasting your time,” or “It will takes years for that guy to catch up.” But a nagging voice inside you and your heart –- screams otherwise.

Phillip ext. 9485 knew that my boyfriend Patrick, a former Hollywood special-makeup-effects artist and recovering addict — is on a path toward growth and healing. In mid-December, in a state of panic, I called Phillip since Patrick was repeating old patterns and having emotional tantrums. I wasn’t sure how to handle his erratic moods, but I knew I wasn’t doing it well. I felt scooped out and hollow – drained of energy.

“Getting emotional control is the issue here,” Phillip’s stern and calm voice intoned.

“He’s exhibiting a fear response and has anger toward his mother and other women who have hurt him.” It was tough to hear, and then fully process. I’m a woman, but not of the same ilk as the others, but I was being treated like them. His ex-girlfriend left him pretty scarred, and his mother was emotionally suffocating and prone to playing the victim.

Apparently these women shaped his reactions to other women — including me. “These situational imprints haven’t been shaken from his childhood,” Phillip said.

“Did his father create stress in his environment, and did his mother react negatively to that stress?” “Yes,” I replied. Phillip continued, “Well, he picked up on his mother’s reactions and he’s now part free and part stuck in that behavioral pattern. He moves forward, then backwards because he’s working through his mother stuff from childhood, and how that still affects him now.”

Which begs the question, “How can I react differently to his stress?”

“Well since he’s punishing her through you, it’s important that you stop reacting to his negative behaviors. It’s how he got his mother’s attention. Any time he drops a bomb on you or pulls a fast one, don’t react.”

While his keen advice struck a cord, knowing what to do next — and how to stick to it — seemed daunting. Just as I was about to ask, Phillip said, “Watch his mother’s interactions. Study her. Observe her interactions with you and others, and do the opposite with Patrick. It will disarm his triggers.”

Here came the kicker: “Look at your own behavior. Recall how you’ve had similar behaviors. Patrick goes into a trance. It’s like pushing a button. It’s his standard operating procedure. He hasn’t broken it, but he will. He’s stuck.”

Phillip peered into Patrick’s childhood and described more of what he saw: his father’s neglect, his mother’s narcissism and neediness, a family member who always threatened to leave if he didn’t behave, no siblings to shield him from these parental figures, and too much time spent alone, escaping in his head.

“Take your power back by operating from a higher plane. You’re an old, spiritual, and powerful soul. See the spirit behind your eyes and keep that connection with him. He’s growing you into your potential, too.”

Since this reading, I’ve been more aware of my own un-fancy footwork. I’m just as much to blame for missteps and continuing to dance to the wrong tune. The trick is changing the song and then my rhythm –- not my dance partner.

6 thoughts on “Relationship Rescue

  1. Pingback: 10 Lessons to Learn in Life | Pranoterapeuta

  2. Pingback: 5 Things Men Overlook | California Psychics Blog

  3. Reiko

    I agree with Phillip and WOW!!! Karen. You are soooooooooooooo right. I’ve been there too. First I blamed myself that I was’t good enough so I tried hard, then came to the point where I started to think he was the immature one looking for a Princesse Charming… Finally realized that he married me to shock his dominant mother to get back at her at the same time he tried to create his mother out of me. Now he’s very happy with a very young girl friend who is sweet like a little puppy and I’m happy that I’m finally over with mothering my baby hub with one child syndrom.

  4. Karen

    While it is true that people replay the history of their relationship with their opposite sex parent with their partner, it also must be recognized that without the similarities between their partner and their opposite sex parent, the attraction wouldn’t be there. This person must accept that the basis of the relationship is to work through his conflict with his mother. It’s purpose is growth, not permanence. Until he has worked through these conflicts he will always be attracted to women similar to his mother. If he ever works through these feelings sufficiently to learn on a subconcious level that all women aren’t like his mother, he may be drawn to a different type of woman, but our psychology usually takes a lifetime of lessons to rewire. The timing for a relationship of any permanence with this man is off. This woman was meant to be a lesson, not a life long love for him. Changing her steps will cause the loss of his attraction for her. Not changing her steps will cause him to panic and break up with her. She’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.
    Been there

  5. Marie-T

    I love this article. People are so quick to seek the “perfect” person but none of us are perfect and we all have things we struggle with. Sometimes I think it’s a little bit timing, a lot of love and a lot of patience and acceptance while working towards better communication. Relationships are not a 90 minute movie and thank goodness because though it can be a lot of work, it’s well worth it:) I’ll still take sunsets once in a while though!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *