Ah, love… we search so long and hard for it that when it happens, we expect everything to just magically fall into place. And of course, by everything, we especially mean sex. After all, chemistry is chemistry. The sparks are just supposed to, well… be there, right? I mean, if sex is the glue that holds couples together, and there’s no fire in the bedroom, then you’re simply bound for boredom, right?
The good news for those of us entangled with people we desire but who continually disappoint in the bedroom, is that answer is no – at least most of the time. While a certain level of physical attraction is requisite for any relationship to flourish, there is no guarantee that the person to whom you’re chemically drawn to is going to be a skilled lover when you first make love. However, anyone can be trained! If satisfaction is your aim and mutual desire is definitely in tact, try these three tricks. And provided they’re open to it, your lover will be no exception.
Ask and ye shall receive
As with most things in life, the easiest way to get what you want in bed is to ask for it. But sometimes, that can seem difficult. Our egos are tied up in our sexual desires and oftentimes, we worry that by dictating directions we’ll scare our lover off. All of these are valid concerns but not so valid they’re not worth getting over! In the end, if you scare your lover away or embarrass yourself with a little bit of sex talk, they’re not much of a lover anyway (openness is key here).
Still, if simply coming straight out and asking for something seems a little upfront for you, use what your lover does as your starting point. It can start as simply as “yes… that feels good… move left” then get as detailed as you dare. The important part is to remember that a little encouragement goes a long way. If they’re headed in the right direction, make it known.
Give what ye desires
If you’re more of a doer than a talker – or even if you like to mix it up – it’s probably worth it to demonstrate what you’d like them to do to you – by doing it to them. But particularly if it’s foreplay you’re craving – that little special something that really turns you on – give it a go on your mate. Tickle their back, nibble their ears, stroke their thighs, etc. A perceptive partner will realize that you at least like what you’re doing and give you a taste of your own medicine. Whatever you do, take note of sexual karma: Make your lover’s experience more pleasurable, and you’ll get more pleasure in return.
Show ye the money
Lastly, it’s a biological fact that we’re all different – sexually speaking. Despite verbal cues and suggestive demonstration, what turns one person on does not necessarily work for another. While it can be awkward for shy types to physically demonstrate what they need, do ask your partner how you can reciprocate. After all, fair is fair (and we’ve already covered bedroom karma). Besides, you never know – it’s possible that you could use a little brush up on their buttons, too!
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