Guys, you just got dumped. Or maybe you dumped her, or maybe it just happened. Now you walk around in a trance – and every thought includes your ex. You wonder what you could have done different, or what you could still do. You wonder if she’s going out, who she’s seeing, or how the next guy stacks up to you in bed. You wonder why you’ve never noticed before that 99% of songs are about some guy losing his baby, and everywhere you look you see her, her, her.
It’s a male tendency, albeit it a poor one, to obsesses about an ex post-breakup. Indeed, post-breakup calls to California Psychics by men tend to focus on inquiries about the ex, while females are more interested in future prospects after a split.
Why might this be? For one, the possessive quality of male affection can easily turn to jealousy post-breakup, and thoughts of an ex with another guy can bring intense feelings of sadness, inferiority and anger. The task of finding and pursuing a new female partner seems daunting, especially when one’s self esteem has been shot. And while women can distract themselves post-breakup by going out and being approached by the opposite sex, it’s much more difficult for a guy to receive flirtations he doesn’t initiate.
Whether it’s romantic longing or jealousy, what’s more important than why men obsess over their exes is how to get them to stop. The habit unnecessarily prolongs pain and prevents men from finding the spiritual balance they need to make themselves happy and have successful future relationships. Men, here are six ways to get past your ex. If you’re still stuck, I want to hear from you.
–Admit that it’s over: I’ve seen guys bend over backwards to find what-ifs for getting back with their exes, but if she’s already said it’s off, returned your stuff and de-tagged your shared photos on Facebook, it’s time to give her up and keep reading. Even if there’s a possibility for reconciliation in the future, you need to finish round one by getting past her.
-Don’t look back. Until you’ve gotten over her, the best post-breakup policy is no communication. If friendship is in your future she will understand your request for some time-off to heal yourself, whether it takes a week, three months, a year, etc. Don’t make an excuse for ‘only talking as friends’ when your emotions are still at stake. This means no phone calls, texts, or emails. Don’t pry into her life through common friends, and don’t spend a moment checking up on her Facebook or Myspace.
-Let the fantasy go. All relationships have their good and bad aspects, and most failed relationships probably had more bad than good. If you spend all day dreaming about the way her shampoo smelled, you’re never going to move past. Make a list of everything that was wrong, times you were hurt, incompatibilities, etc, and when your thoughts turn what you’re missing, also try to remember what you aren’t. You’ll have the rest of your life to focus on the good times together, but until you’re over her you need to concentrate on the rose’s thorns.
-Write it out. If you’re feeling like you can’t keep your mind off unresolved relationship material with your ex, write it down, all of it. Start a journal, and not only will you have a place for those ideas to occupy that isn’t your every waking thought, you’ll recognize your own healing as time passes and you look back on early entries.
-Treat yourself right (body). Male tradition holds that your buddies will be welcoming you back into single-hood with a night of getting plastered. Go for it, once, and let your heart-healing start with a hangover. But don’t use alcohol or overeating as a regular means of comfort right now. Instead, reward yourself with exercise. Endorphins are nature’s antidepressant, working out will keep your mind busy, and getting your body in better shape will improve your self confidence.
-Treat yourself right (mind). Use the free time you have to focus on other means of self-improvement, or just to indulge in what you like doing. Re-connect with an old passion like art or cycling. Read that book that you keep putting off. Study a language and then travel to the country where it’s spoken. The sooner you reassemble a sense of happiness on your own that the relationship had provided, the sooner you won’t agonize over her.
Let us hear from you! Ladies, how does this stack up for you post break up? Men, do you relate to this? How do you get over break ups?