Most women, whether they want to admit it or not, are drawn to a certain type of man, an ideal guy. Unfortunately, all too often, this guy is the wrong type for us, so we fill our lives with one dead-end relationship after another.
Do we really choose our ‘type’?
It’s been debated that the mates we look for have much to do with early childhood imprinting (done before we are nine). According to this theory, we are imprinted early on with the traits and characteristics that we will find attractive in a mate, and have little or no choice in the matter. These characteristics can run the gamut from specific body scents, to hair styles and color, even to quirky behaviors like a goofy laugh or crooked smile. Whatever the trait, we need to be aware that while they may attract and comfort us, these traits by themselves are not a good foundation for choosing our lifelong partner.
It’s OK to be attracted to certain mate characteristics, but if that person is really wrong for us, we need to end the relationship. Conversely, if we give ourselves the opportunity to date and get to know different men who don’t have all the qualities we currently deem imperative, we just may find ourselves opening up our minds on the subject.
Lay out the facts
If we take a look at ourselves, who we are and what we have to offer, we can pursue a mate with a much clearer perspective. If we have low self-esteem, then we will probably attract men who will treat us badly. By understanding our own strengths and weaknesses, we can meet each possible suitor with the empowering knowledge of what we have to offer and what we need in a mate to build a healthy relationship.
It may help to make a list of the men you have dated. Be a pattern seeker. Look for common traits, such as infidelity, immaturity, or abusive or controlling behavior. If you know specifically which types of men you’re attracting, you may be able to recognize what you’re doing to end up with these types of men.
Knowledge is power
One common reason women continue to attract the wrong men is that they do not know how to have a healthy relationship. If we have had only unhealthy relationships, we simply do not know how to spot a guy who will be good for us. If this is the case, then it’s up to us to learn what comprises a good relationship, to admit to ourselves that our past selection patterns have been unwholesome, and to open ourselves up to the other men in our lives that are good for us. Observing the successful relationships around us in our family and among friends, can be an effective way to deepen our understanding and shift our perspective on what makes a relationship the real ideal.