Is Your Toxic Relationship Consuming You?
It’s that feeling of uncertainty. You have it when you need to make those tough life decisions that aren’t so cut and dry. And one of the hardest decisions to make in life is the decision to walk away from toxic people, especially when those toxic people are friends and loved ones. It’s a decision that will hurt someone. It’s a decision that means never seeing that person again. But, it’s also a decision you have to make for your own well-being. Essentially, you have to hurt someone else to make yourself better.
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I’m not talking about breaking up with your hairdresser, switching dentists or ending things with someone you’ve been seeing for a few months. I’m talking about letting go of someone who has played a significant, yet negative, role in your life, like a spouse, parent, sibling or best friend. If your relationship is bad, you absolutely need to walk away from toxic people.
A Toxic Relationship Defined
A toxic relationship is one that brings you down. It’s abusive, whether physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. A toxic relationship makes you feel worthless. It makes you cry—like all the time. Have you ever said any of these five statements to yourself when dealing with a toxic friend or family member?
1. I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle.
If you’re in a toxic relationship, chances are you’ve made multiple efforts to improve things between you and the other person. But for every step forward you take in progress, you also take multiple steps backward. You can’t catch a break, because it’s one thing after another and there is no end in sight. Stop fighting. Just walk away from these toxic people.
2. I’m doing it out of obligation, not love.
This statement is especially true when it comes to family. A child may feel obligated to spend time with an abusive parent or sibling because there is a blood bond. But if you do it and you don’t enjoy it (In fact, you dread it.), that’s a sign that it’s time to walk away from toxic people. Obligation and love feel different. Don’t do things for people because you feel like you have to. Just let them go.
3. I don’t feel like I’m valued.
You’re the giver and they’re the taker. That’s how it’s always been and that’s how it’s always going to be unless you do something about it. If you’re in a toxic relationship, you feel like the other person doesn’t value you. Your opinions, feelings, and desires aren’t taken into consideration—ever. It’s one-sided and unhealthy. Just let them go.
4. I feel like I’m compromising myself and my happiness.
Why should you have to compromise who you are and what you want in order to have a relationship with someone? If being near them doesn’t make you happy or if they expect you to do things that differ from what makes you happy, then why do you have a relationship with them? Your life is yours to lead, so live it the way you want to and don’t compromise your happiness for anyone. Walk away from toxic people.
5. I’m only staying out of fear and/or guilt.
Fear and guilt are powerful feelings. The fear comes from not knowing what your life will be like without that toxic person. Sure, it could be better, but you’re afraid it could be much, much worse. And the guilt comes from feeling like you’re abandoning someone, or at least that’s how the toxic person will see it. But who cares how they see it? You’re “abandoning” an adult who can fend for themselves; you’re not throwing an infant to the wolves! Just let them go.
Deep down, you know when it’s time to let go. And if you’re feeling that way it’s because you know you deserve better too. So go after better. It’s out there waiting for you. You just have to walk away from toxic people who have been holding you back first!
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