Just how well do you really know your partner? If you can’t answer these questions, then you just might not know them as well as you thought you did.
Your place or mine?
If you’re thinking about marriage or living together, whose place would you stay at? Sometimes it’s best to go in on a new home that can be chosen by both partners, but that’s not always an economically viable option. If you do move in, should you keep the other person’s home as a back-up, rent it out, or put it up on the market? This is another way of saying: Just how sure are you about all this?
Who cleans the toilets?
What you’re looking for here is an open discussion on how the chores will be divided. People in the early stages of relationships haven’t spent much time cleaning up after each other, and this can be a big source of trouble. Look for resistance to sharing household chores. Are you going to both chip in to get the job done, or is one partner expecting one of you to do the brunt of the dirty work? Make sure you know whose hand the toilet brush is going into before the ring!
What is considered “cheating” to you?
You’d think that we’d all be on the same page with this one, but we aren’t. One person’s Saturday night fling is another person’s annulment to the partnership. This is a good opportunity to set limits, letting them know what is and isn’t acceptable. That way they can’t fall back on the old We never talked about this routine. You should also consider that studies show that a partner who has a set plan is much less susceptible to seduction.
What are your expectations of socializing outside the relationship?
What you’re asking here is what are your partner’s boundaries are when it comes to hanging out with friends, attending bachelor/bachelorette parties, strip clubs, etc. Some partners have a pretty open policy when it comes to outside socializing, while other folks prefer to keep their partner on a fairly short leash!
What are your sexual deal breakers?
Do they like public sex, bondage, or are they into anything else kinky you should know about? You may think you know someone, but some things lay in dark alleyways of the mind waiting to come out at a later date. The best way to approach this question is inquisitively, rather than judgmentally, or you might not get the absolute truth.
What would you say are our top three problems right now?
Statistics show that when we are in love, our confidence is swooning. No matter what concerns we may have buried in the back of our mind, deep down we think that love is going to get us through it. Couples today stand a 50 percent chance of survival, but according to most surveys, most believe they have only a 10 percent chance of failure. Whatever problems your partner is struggling with today will still be around tomorrow, and some things just can’t be compromised.
Where do you see us in thirty or forty years?
If your partner hasn’t actually thought about your relationship thirty or forty years down the road, perhaps they haven’t really considered what the word “commitment” ultimately means. A question like this should open up some interesting conversation. If they drown the question as quickly as it is brought up, your future may not exactly be on their “to do” list.
How will we handle arguments?
It is important to know how arguments will play out in a relationship, as this can be a big source of problems. Disagreements in relationships can either be hurtful or productive, depending on how these disagreements are played out and resolved. Does your partner always have to be right? Can they apologize? And most importantly, do they know how to forgive?
How often do you drink, gamble, or look at porn?
While this question won’t often get a true answer, it does open the door to setting your expectations on these potential addictive problems. In a sense, you are setting boundaries on such behavior that can cause problems in the relationship down the line.
What is your opinion of prenuptial agreements?
Over a quarter of couples would never dream of asking a partner this, according to surveys. It just isn’t romantic. However, most experts say it’s not such a bad idea, especially if you’ve been divorced, have kids, own property, or stand to gain a large inheritance. The problem is most people are hesitant to mention it, for fear of what their partner might think. Over 60 percent of the population still believes the likelihood of divorce is greater when a couple agrees to a prenuptial, so tread lightly.
What do you think – would you be willing to ask your partner these questions?