What Do You Feel? Why Do You Feel?

It’s Time to Take a Look at How We Feel, and Why—Don’t Put it Off!

We’re taught from a very early age to react to what we feel, and not to assess why we feel the way we do. If someone cuts us off in traffic, we may utter a profanity, or present an obscene hand gesture to get the point across—don’t disrespect me!

So, when it comes to our relationships, it’s much the same game. If our spouse or lover does not return our affection we can become, sad, depressed, vengeful, confused and jealous. How does this help you heal? It doesn’t. It makes us miserable and damages our self esteem.

Unfortunately, we can’t make someone behave and return the love we seek from them. We were all born with “free will,” which means each of us has a very important choice to make.

1. Will we allow others make us miss out on the beauty of life because someone will not comply with our need for their attention and affection?

2. Do you have the courage and inner strength to face the future with a positive outlook no matter what is taken away? Know that the universe will fill it with what is best for you.

3. Is there “trust” in the relationship? Because if there isn’t, love will not thrive!

4. Love is knowing all the strengths and weaknesses of your partner and loving them just the same, having the wisdom to support them where they need it and allowing them to express their abilities where they are strong.

You must also be aware that your partner is coming into this union with their own life issues to process. Perhaps they’re working with abandonment, trust or responsibility issues. Some relationships we’re only there to help them see. Love is still possible.

Many of us are looking for a custom-made relationship in an off-the-rack world.

In seeking that perfect relationship, remember everything is transitory. Strive to be open and willing to accept love, with enthusiasm, appreciation and optimism for however long it lasts. Seek to learn from every relationship, whether it’s “what you do not want to attract,” or “a lesson in skydiving,” if you can handle it. Keep an open mind and heart for love’s adventures.

Do not look at a break up or break down of a relationship as a “loss.” See it as a “time for reassessment.” Recognize everything changes, and ask yourself these relationship questions:

1. Does your partner show empathy or emotional responsibility? This is the root of mutual respect.

2. Have you been growing together as partners? This is the root of progress.

3. Is it love, or lust? This is the root of commitment.

4. Do you enhance each other’s lives? This is the root of endurance.

5. Are you constantly compromising your self or expecting them to compromise for you? This may damage self esteem.

6. Do disagreements turn nasty instead of talking them through? You can “agree to disagree.” This allows room for individuality, and diversity.

Romance is an awesome thing. Roses and chocolates every week can be quite nice. But unfortunately in time all things lose their luster just a bit. When this happens some may run—fearing that the “thrill is gone.” No, it’s not gone, it’s still there, but you may experience it less frequently. Romantic moments can be found in surprising and unexpected situations. Example: Instead of intimate encounters five nights a week, an impromptu romantic candle light dinner on the den floor may yield a much more intense romp. Cherish these golden seeds of love; it’s the quality, not the quantity.

Never allow yourself to stop the flow of joy into your life due to previous heartaches. By doing this you’re only tainting your destiny, and restricting the chances of one day being in a healthy, loving relationship. So drop that baggage!

I always tell my clients: don’t wait! Keep living! If a lost love is going to return, it’s better for the both of you to have enhanced yourself with new and different life experiences than to return to the same conditions in which the break happened.

Live, love, laugh and keep it moving. Who knows, in their absence you may learn and experience wonderful new things! Take belly dancing and blow his mind when you reunite—if not him, it will tantalize the next lucky partner!

The Rolling Stones put it best: “You can’t always get what you want, but you get what you need.”

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