Will We Ever Be Friends?

Pauline in Malta, writes:

I have been having an affair for over five years with a married man. Before we became lovers we were very good friends for seven years before starting an affair. Recently his wife found out about the affair and it’s over. What we both did was very wrong and if I could go back, I would do things differently. I have not just lost a lover but someone I cared very much for as a friend and now he won’t even speak to me. Will we ever be just friends again? I miss him a lot.

Dear Pauline,

I’m very sorry to have to tell you that I really don’t see you and your ex reconnecting. While time could change this, it is not going to change as long as he is trying to repair and maintain his marriage.

There is a very strong bond between the two of you, and even before things became physical, there was always an attraction. As things stand now, I don’t know that either of you could keep things at a strictly platonic friendship level. There’s just too much familiarity, and too much passion.

Your ex struggles with his choices, and he misses you, too – but he is also dealing with a certain level of guilt. Not for becoming involved with you, but for getting caught. This has created a mess of chaos for him, and he is trying to do the best he can with it. Being around you, even as just a friend, would only add to his difficulties.

Do what you can to endure and let him go. Your ex is doing his best to move forward in his life, and you should, too. Eventually, it will get easier.

Brightest Blessings,


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