He Married Her, Not Me

I Was the One Before “The One”

Here is how my relationship with him went: Two weeks in he told me he loved me and that if we were this happy a year later we would get married. Three months in he talked about how many kids we would have, where we would live and the matching family cars that would be parked in our driveway. At four months, he told my grandparents he was going to get me an engagement ring while he was in London. My grandfather died thinking I was about to get engaged! One month later (and two weeks after I buried my grandfather) he was breaking up with me in his living room. It took two hours. He said things like:

“I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now.”

“I feel like I need to be alone for a while.”

“It’s not you. It’s me.”

“I’m really going to miss you.”

Upon hearing these trite statements I said things that shouldn’t be repeated in this blog—and all at a frequency only dogs can hear. I stormed out of his house and sped away. I spent the next six months hurting and grieving the loss of this relationship (on top of the loss of my grandfather). I had love and a guaranteed marriage proposal and I had lost it all. I felt like such a loser. Feel like you have lost it all? I bet a chat with Psychic Fiona ext. 5178 could change all that! 

Then I found out through mutual acquaintances that he was dating someone new. In fact, he met her online a week after he broke up with me. I spent that New Year’s Eve at a friend’s party. I rushed out of there as soon as the clock struck midnight (I had no one to kiss.) and guess who I pulled up next to at a red light? We looked at each other, and it was as if he didn’t even recognize me. He was probably driving back from my replacement’s house. I decided then and there that it was time for me to start dating again. For the next six months, I couldn’t get serious about anyone I met while he was getting serious about her. It wasn’t long before they got engaged.

So I had been the one before “the one.” I was everything he didn’t want in a wife and in the mother of his children, and she was all that he could want and more and that’s why he “rewarded” her with an engagement ring. I spent a lot of time hating the both of them and wondering what was wrong with me. I had to be unlovable. I had to be flawed beyond help. What did he see in me that caused him to dump me and run? Would the next guy find me as unlovable as he did?

Eventually I got tired of being angry and I got tired of treating this breakup like a tragedy. And then I started talking about it with a close friend. We dissected everything for hours, week after week and he helped me realize that there was nothing wrong with me. I wasn’t dumped because I was unlovable or because I was a bad person. I was dumped because my ex knew we weren’t right for each other.

“Nothing is forever. Happiness does come after the pain.” – Psychic Tansy ext. 5289

He wanted to get married and have kids, and at 24, I wasn’t ready for that. I just wanted to be with someone who would take me out on nice dates. I liked to go hiking and biking. He liked to stay at home and play video games in the dark for hours. We also weren’t sexually compatible. He knew all this, and that’s why he broke up with me. I knew all this too, but I was so caught up in the notion that someone could be in “love” with me after two weeks and talk about marriage after a few months that I didn’t realize at the time how incredibly insane it all sounded or how incredibly desperate he was to have the next phase of his life mapped out and solidified.

I realized that when he broke up with me, he was actually doing me a favor. He knew we were both wasting each other’s time and someone had to do something about it. So he did. I learned to be thankful that he walked away because not being with him meant that I was closer to meeting the person who I was meant to be with. I know that’s something people say to help a friend or family member through a breakup, but I actually said that to myself and believed in my heart that what I was saying was true. And I kept saying it was true until it actually happened. My ex may have met his soulmate a week after breaking up with me, but I met mine seven months later. Your soulmate is waiting for you. Psychic Saphira ext. 5243 knows who they are and when they’re coming. Give her a call and find out!

If you are reading this and have been the one before “the one,” don’t waste your time being angry at your ex. Learn to be thankful that they left you for someone new. I know it sounds crazy, but if there is someone out there who is better for them, then there is someone out there who is better for you. You just have to believe it. Believe that they will come to you at the right time–not a moment sooner or later–and they will.

4 thoughts on “He Married Her, Not Me

  1. marc from the uk

    It was good to read this article and see how what appeared to be negatives transpired into positives, I believe the lady is a normal human being with emotions and feelings like we all have.No one wants to endure pain, rejection, heartbreak, however without these experiences how can we possibly say we are normal? we all endure something, sometimes more than once I still have hurts, and heartbreaks, I do learn to turn these into positives, after I go through the pain, “we are entitled to grieve” rejection especially is hard. I then think ok, time for a change, new wardrobe, new items for the house, and now after thirty years I am growing my hair into a style I did not have the nerve for when i was younger, as I had to be smart and short for work, or employers !! I have leaned to love myself and realise actually it’s not me, it is just part of the tapestry of life, that nothing is permanent in life, they say people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a life time, we are on a train, with drop offs and pick ups at every station, learn to accept that, and you are already there. welldone to this lady for being so mature and coming through this POSITIVE experience!

  2. Chrissi

    I was ‘the one before’ too, but I never understood why as I’d been in the situation twice- I know now I wasn’t mature enough and wanted to have too much instant gratification of my desires- in fact it was the girl my guy replaced me with told me- she was, according to her second best! he’d wanted to marry me but couldn’t live with my immaturity-it took me a long time but I did grow up- made a few bad decisions along the way, but then who doesn’t pity I hadn’t met these guys when I was more adult but there you are- and we are all still friends , even my ex hubby’s family and I are friendly- but in his case he was according to his mother not ready when he married me, and he actually said it was because he knew dad wouldn’t let us cohabit that he did- wish I knew then what I know now I think I’d have been a better person- but I have a good hubby now and I think he was worth all the frogs I kissed before I met my prince

  3. Mary

    I like this article and very mature of you to be able to put it into perspective. Its all about how we chose to look at life!


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