“Making love is meditation. It is sacred, it is the holiest of holies.” – The Kama Sutra
Okay, so the ancient Indian text The Kama Sutra conjures thoughts of sex – after all, it is a sex manual! But just as practically as its tips can be applied in the bedroom, many of its messages can be applied to dating, love and intimacy, too. After all, the “Kama” for whom this Sutra (which translates as wisdom) is named is actually Kama, the Indian version of cupid.
Reading the book (or, let’s face it, skimming its pictures), it’s easy to get caught up in (and excited by) the acrobatics of it all. The strongest elements, however, are not the contortionist-like positions and creative names they’re labeled. Although it’s certainly worth it to give as many as you care to a try! The real lesson of Kama Sutra can be found in the principles that come across very clearly throughout its pages.
Whether applied in or out of the bedroom, with your partner of years or your potential first date, these ideas will help you find success in love.
Equal rights… equal nights!
Leafing through the Kama Sutra you’ll notice that pleasure is always given and received equally. Positions are meant to feel good to both partners. Think this is just about sex? Think again! Maintaining balance in your relationship will help to ensure both partners are happy. This is true of early dating stages too. Be courteous and kind and expect the same. Know what you want (need?)and don’t be afraid to share it. If your potential paramour doesn’t like it and doesn’t share in return (even at the dinner table), then they’re not the one for you.
Be assertive (sometimes)
Women in particular sometimes have trouble going after what they really want. This most often stems from society’s conditioning that to be feminine we should be demure and “ladylike.” However, in the Kama Sutra, you’ll find all sorts of references to strong, forthright women who own their power – sexually and otherwise!
If you’re a woman (and shy) and the very idea freaks you out, take heed. You don’t have to be a raving banshee or psycho stalker to express your interest in someone. If you’re single and you like someone, consider letting them know. The worst that can happen is they’ll say no, and what’s the big deal? Better hear the truth than to waste your time with unrequited lust! Likewise, it’s okay for men to relinquish control instead of leading all the time. In other words, it’s not always up to one partner to make the first move whether it’s your first date or your 50th anniversary. Switch things up!
All about fit…
Kama Sutra dedicates an entire section to “proper fit” between partners. Of course, it’s referencing our naughty bits and the fact that certain people more naturally go together – but it’s also true of every area of a relationship. There is no point trying to make someone into something they’re not – or trying to be someone you aren’t.
Make the most of what does work in your relationship and work on what doesn’t. If this is in bed, then be open to exploration – find the best way to maximize pleasure for both people. But if the bad continues to outweigh the good across the board in your pairing, it is possible that you’re just not compatible. And don’t beat yourself up for that.
No matter what any book tells you, no amount of “playing the game” is going to create the love you want. It won’t matter how many times you call (or don’t), how many dates you wait before you hook up, whether you approach the hottie across the room or vice versa. The best thing you can do – in bed and beyond – is to be yourself. Your natural fit is out there (and in more than one)… When you find it, your beloved will want to give and receive pleasure with you in all of its incarnations.
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