Sex Q&A: She Doesn’t Enjoy Sex With Her Husband

Carmelita writes:

I am in a very confused state right now. I don’t know what is best for me. I have been married for 11 years, and I have never enjoyed sex with my husband. If there was ever any magic or trust, they are both gone. There has been so much infidelity, and the problems have piled up.

I want to look for my own happiness. I want to go outside my marriage for sex, but I am also thinking about what my children and other people around me might think if they found out. Two years ago, I slept with another man, and I can’t forget him. Do I have a chance with him? We only communicate via the internet. Please guide me. Thanks.

Greetings Carmelita,

I want you to listen very carefully to what I’m about to say and heed the gravity of my advice. I feel shivers of desperation within you. You aren’t looking for glimpses into some unknown fate, but for validation of the unspoken fear which is causing you such pain. I see that there is a fear within you far greater than the social stigma of a failed marriage, it is the fear of total sexual repression. I advise you to listen to this fear … for it is the one that can save you.

Sadly, I feel that your spouse does not love you, but feels pride in owning you, as one enjoys owning a prize or a trophy. He feels he is deserving of sex, and it is your duty to comply. I also see that he has other lovers, and he feels he is deserving of this as well. You must take steps to get away from this vampire-like emotionally draining man. Your children do not need a mother who is dutiful and proper and dead inside. They need an example of a woman who loves herself. However, be warned, many will oppose your decision.

You must act soon, for I feel you are sinking fast. You are already deadened to passion, and the longer you go on living your life for others, the less likely it is that you will ever be free. The man you desire does want you, but there are things I see in him that worry me. Once you are free of your husband, he will push you to commit to him much too quickly. I advise you to go slowly with him. But in the end, he is not the main issue. Your mental health and emotional well-being are at stake. Leave your situation as soon as possible — and don’t look back.

Be well,

Liam

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