Mary in Toronto asks:
I had an intense but short-lived sexual relationship with a man back in January for about three months. We’d talk everyday, and were greatly attracted to one another. It didn’t end so well, and I’m not even sure what happened, but we stopped speaking. Now after six months, he has contacted me again. I know people come into our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime. Which one is it for him and me? Why now, after I’ve moved on, is he back? If it’s a reason, then what is it I’m supposed to learn? Thank you, Mary
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Dear Mary,
Don’t complicate things by trying to analyze the return of your old lover. Things really aren’t any more in-depth than what you’ve already concluded—he came into your life initially for a reason, even though he only stayed for a season.
When the two of you were first together, he made you laugh, showed you his softer side, and helped you clear your head. You fell for his potential and trusted most of what he said. For that space and time in your life, he filled a void and lifted your spirits—and you did the same for him. Each of you was what the other needed at the time. Even though things started off fairly well, each of you was going through a transitional period. This was not a bond or a relationship that was meant to last forever.
He is primarily seeking you out for a sense of closure, and half-heartedly to see if there is a chance to potentially pick things up where they left off. He genuinely wants you to be happy—with or without him.
If you choose to let him into your life, the second time around will not be much different than the first. If you ever decide that you want a friend with benefits arrangement, all you’d have to do is call. However, he really doesn’t seem like he’d be the most dependable friend, and the “benefits” really don’t seem like they’re really that great.
Since you’re not-so-pleasant parting of ways, you’ve grown and moved on, but your ex seems to be rather stuck in the same patterns and cycles that he was dealing with back then. Sure, he’ll try and tell you that he, too, has grown—but after you scratch beneath the surface, not much in him or his world will have changed. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s also not the one for you.
There really isn’t a huge or profound lesson attached to this relationship, except that it has already run its course.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
One thought on “Red Responds: Should I Stay or Go?”
Dear Red,
I have a layered question. I have been going through a divorce for 3 1/2 years now, and have recently switched lawyers to help move the process along quicker and hopefully better. I have two children, my daughter whom my husband adopted and then we have a son. During our separation, my husband has had two live in fiances and is currently with the second; they had a son in March of this year. Our marriage was rough, and our separation rougher, that is for me. My emotions and path to overcoming the hurt have rocketed from bipolar highs to lows in 60 seconds or less. Each time I’m extremely happy and ready to move on, it lasts for a while and then shoots back down in to the depths of despair for any amount of time. I have prayed, I have begged the universe, I have meditated, I have physically and mentally tried to move myself forward and onward, but I still find myself getting sucked back in to the hurt, frustration, and resentment. I KNOW this is NOT healthy, and it certainly is not a feeling that I enjoy.
So…I guess my question is…How can a man who has done so much wrong in this world have the life I feel I deserve, while I struggle to have any kind of life at all? I feel very much like some power is working against me and equally working for him. I have done counseling, journaling, meditating, tried manifesting positive outcomes, etc. and still, NOTHING! When will I get my turn for happiness and contentedness; a family life that I want and deserve? Will he/she have karmatic repercussions? If not, how is that even possible?! Why has every role that I held so dearly (wife, mom, family spiritual leader) been stripped away, to have despair and heartache left in its place for such a long period of time; seemingly endless? None of this makes any sense to me at all, how the universe, or God could just let this happen. I thought that the universe balanced things out, that karma brought things back around, but that certainly does not seem to be the case in my situation.
Not wanting to sound like a pouty doubty sob story, I truly would like to know. This hurt and pain cannot sustain me for much longer.
Any level of understanding would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Kuuipo