Maria from Fort Lauderdale asks:
I married the same man for a second time, and we’ve been together for thirteen years this time. The first marriage lasted about the same amount of time. We had one child from the first marriage, who is now twenty-nine years old, and we had a second child, who is now eleven years old. I, again, feel we are facing the same problems as before. I feel lonely that he doesn’t care or love me, and he doesn’t make me feel special. This led me to call the man I left him for the first time… again. He made me feel special. I know that he truly loved me and that I hurt him deeply when I decided to leave him to move from Los Angeles to Florida. Now we are in contact again, and I seem to be in love with the way he talks to me. He went on with his life, and is also married. However, he says that after twenty years, he hasn’t been able to love anybody else the way he loves me. He’s looking forward to seeing me again, and I feel the same way. At the same time, I also met another man locally a year ago. Even though there was an immediate connection when we met, we really haven’t talked until the last few weeks. He wants to take me out to eat, and I feel like this man can also be a man that can love me the way I need to be loved. Am I feeling this way because I’m going through the same disconnect and lonely feeling that my husband is giving me, or is my story with my husband really over and it’s time for me to restart my life again? If so, is it with the old love of twenty years ago that makes me feel so loved and special, or should I start a totally new relationship with the new man I met?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Your loneliness is creating a lot of confusion for you, and that confusion can propel you to make decisions you will later regret. Now is the time to step back and think about what you really want for the long-term future. By doing this now, you can save yourself some heartbreak, and avoid making a few mistakes.
Your marriage has been on autopilot for quite a while now, and this is why you’re feeling so unloved, lost and lonely. Even though you’re emotionally suffering, your marriage is still providing you with some safety and security. While you have the ability to make the free-will choice to throw it all away, I would strongly advise against it, because it is with this man – the one who doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved – with whom you will finish your days.
Your lover of twenty years ago may make for a nice affair, but ultimately your lives are on separate paths. He may make you feel loved and special now, but part of what you’re feeling is amplified by your current vulnerability and memories of the past. Looking forward, even though he cares about you and fantasizes about what could have been and may possibly be – he isn’t going to offer you marriage, or the life you daydream of, in the future.
As far as your local interest goes, while he is a nice man, he really can’t offer you the stability you need in order to be truly happy. Even though there is a mutual interest and a level of past-life connection that draws you toward each other, there are many things about him you don’t know. He can be a bit of an ego boost and diversion, but this is not a relationship that shines of potential or a happy outcome.
Your husband and marriage have their problems, and you’ve got some suppressed issues, too. Yet, all of these challenges are issues that can be worked through. However, it’s going to take work. I know you believe that you’ve tried to share your feelings and concerns with your husband, but I want to encourage you to try again. He’s not hearing you. More importantly, it seems as if he is very unclear of what your needs and expectations of him and the marriage are, even though he is aware of your unhappiness. While you may not see it, this man does love you and doesn’t want to lose you.
You can take the long road, and experience other men and relationships, and potentially another divorce, but you will find your way back to your husband in the end. Sometimes the easiest answer is also the most complex. I know you were hoping that I would tell you of some fresh, glorious life – but, your true happiness comes from realizing what you have, fixing the things that are broken and falling in love with your husband once again.
Good luck to you.
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