Leni in Los Angeles writes:
Recently my step-dad died. It was sudden and devastating for our family. Soon after the funeral I met a guy who was so special that I decided to extend my stay home for over a month. By chance he shares my dad’s name and ethnicity and we got very close in a very short time. We even spoke of having kids and where we would live, etc. I came back home for what was to be a short separation. He was to visit for the holidays but after a short initial conversation he never returned my calls and at this point there exists no contact between us. I wish i did not sound like so many other bewildered women but there it is, and I hope that you can shed some light on this situation as to why he will not or cannot speak to me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but sometimes-whirlwind romances live up to the name – they come in, sweep you up and off your feet, and suddenly change direction with only aftermath as proof of their existence.
There was a genuine connection between you and this man – but you really don’t know him, or his life, as well as you think. Even though you shared conversations looking toward the future and building a life together, there is no visible commitment between the two of you at this time.
I can tell you that he is alive and well. He hasn’t dropped off the face of the Earth, nor is he in a position where it would be impossible to communicate with you – he is just choosing not to respond to your attempts. Because you were very upfront about having limited time before you had to return home, he somewhat took advantage of the fact that you would be leaving. This doesn’t mean he completely misled you with everything you shared – but he did operate under the auspices that the future is a changeable entity that he can direct.
I do see that your time with this man isn’t completely over. You will be back in touch with him a couple of times from late spring into the summer months, and will see him again in September of 2008 when you once again return home. Until then, trying to understand what went wrong, and why he disappeared, really isn’t going to do much good. You met an awesome guy that helped to lighten your heart and spirits during a very difficult time.