I have a friend that I will call “El.” We have been seeing each other for about two months and after one month of seeing each other he revealed that he has a live-in girlfriend. He spends a lot of time with me during the week and on weekends, but he never spends the night — so I started questioning him.
He says he is only with her because she has nowhere else to go and her previous boyfriend used to beat her. She knows he is seeing someone but she continues to stay with him. I have tried several times to break it off, but we can’t seem to stay away from each other. She has called me several times and she always states that he has cheated on her before. She continues to call. What advice can you give me about my situation?
Well, seems you have a bit of a situation.
El is not the most honest of creatures, as you know. He is no more honest with his girlfriend than he is with you. He’s a lucky man to have both of you women! If that is acceptable to you, and you “can’t stay away” from him, then let it ride — at least for the time being. I know that may sound a bit unorthodox, but sometimes we have to step outside of the box in this life.
El is what I like to call a Mr. Right Now — fun, fire, passion — but not a life partner or long-term lover. Right or wrong, these relationships tend to teach us a lesson or two in preparation for how the future is to unfold.
Ultimately, this is an affair, not a relationship. I believe you already know that. I’m not getting major efforts or changes from his side of things. That’s okay, though, because I’m not getting you wanting the eternity bit with him, either. Any way I look at it, I keep getting the same answer — you will tire of this, call it quits, and move on.