She Deserves Better Than a Serial Cheater
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Dear Psychic Reed,
My husband is a serial cheater, but I still live with him. I love him and have faith that things will work out, but the lies and the cheating continue. I want to show him how it feels to be lied to and cheated on and hurt and laughed at, but I don’t have the heart to be like him. Everyone tells me I’m too good for him and that I deserve better. Many people ask me why I’m still with him. I have my reasons and he’s not all bad. In fact, he has good qualities too. I just can’t take the anger I’m feeling.
My husband doesn’t seem to care that what he’s doing is hurting me. He’s 36 and I’m 35. We come from very different backgrounds. What should I do to change for the better? I need advice I haven’t been told before. Please know, I don’t want to leave, but I will if nothing changes. I do everything for him—from cooking and cleaning to putting on his socks and shoes for him. He does nothing for me. He never helps me clean and he doesn’t do anything around the house, yet he has the nerve to complain if I don’t do the dishes right after dinner. It’s draining.
Psychic Reed ext. 5105 responds:
Dealing with a serial cheater can be a heartbreaking roller coaster. You have every right to be angry and I understand why you would want to show him how it feels. That would not work though, so it’s just as well that you don’t even try. It would make things far worse. I feel such an imbalance in your husband’s energy. I feel that your husband loves you to the best of his ability, but his ability is very poor.
When I see a man like your husband, I look to see what is motivating his cheating. Some motives are temporary, situational, circumstantial or just plain life lessons. I feel that the motive in your husband’s case is so much deeper. So it’s harder to change.
The energy I get from him feels like he just believes you shouldn’t be hurt by his actions. He knows it hurts you, but he feels it shouldn’t and that leads him to disregards your feelings. This is a serious point of disconnection between the two of you.
While he loves you and does have good qualities, I do not feel that this serial cheater will change. He would only support you in your feelings if he judges those feelings to have just cause. However, a partner’s feelings should never be handled with judgment and his judgment is completely skewed.
Sabri, I know you’ve heard “leave him” before, but there is a reason why you keep hearing it. However, if you feel called to stay with him there must be a good reason for it and you’re going to need some new tools. I’m recommending you read Back from the Looking Glass by Kim Cooper. That will start you on a path to gaining the tools you need to correct this imbalance. It’s going to be an uphill climb, but it’s not an impossible one.
You do deserve better, but unfortunately, we don’t always get what we deserve. However, we do always get what we settle for. You can’t settle for this; you can make changes. Start with Kim Cooper’s work and take it one day at a time.
I’m with you in prayer and in spirit.
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