Making Long-Distance Love Work
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Dear Psychic Reed,
I’m looking for long-distance relationship tips because, at times, I’m having trouble connecting with my boyfriend. He’s in Texas for work, but it’s not forever, and I’m in South Carolina. We’ve been at this a year, but we’ve been together much longer than that. We visit each other whenever we can, but I’m afraid the spark between us will die. How can I keep it alive? I want to make sure we have a future together.
Psychic Reed ext. 5105 responds:
I just love how the Universe works! It’s no coincidence your letter came to me. My wife and I had to spend the first two years of our marriage living apart and have just recently moved in together, so I’ve definitely got long-distance relationship tips for you.
First, time apart will not change his love for you or your love for him. You two do have a future together and this isn’t going to change that. I know you’ve noticed some differences in feelings lately and it’s made you anxious. In this case, it’s not a sign of trouble. It’s just a part of a natural energy cycle, like the low tide or the seasons. There are naturally going to be times when you feel less connected and times when you feel more connected. However, during a period of feeling less connected, it’s easy to get nervous, thinking that things are going wrong when that isn’t necessarily the case.
This emotional “low tide” can actually be an opportunity to become more intimately connected with your partner. Start by identifying specific things that would make you feel more connected. These might be things you need him to do or things you need to do too. Get creative and specific. Then don’t be afraid to ask him for what you need.
Here are simple long-distance relationship tips that certainly have helped me and many of my clients get through a time of distance from our significant others:
1. Create Rituals. Keep a few simple rituals, like “Good Morning” texts, a weekly phone or online date night, or anything else you can think of. My wife asked me to send her blessings in the morning, like, “May your traffic be light and your chocolate be dark” or “Wishing you a day full of cooperative coworkers.” Your rituals can certainly be anything that feels good to you. I think it’s a good idea to have a daily and a weekly ritual or a weekly and a monthly ritual.
2. Quality Over Quantity. Make quality, not quantity, the goal of communication. You don’t need to talk about every tiny detail or spend hours every day on the phone. More is not necessarily better when it comes to communication in a long-distance relationship.
3. Snail Mail. Snail mail can be fun. Keep a journal for a week and then mail it to him. Let him write in it for a while and mail it back. As a bonus, the journal becomes a treasured keepsake of your relationship. You can also send wacky postcards, collages, random things you found at the park, etc.
Long-distance relationships have been around as long as people have been in relationships, and in the old days, there were no phones, text messages, Snapchat or Facebook. I know that the connection you two share will only be enhanced by the technology at your fingertips. You’ll get through this!
Here’s to your successful reunion!
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