Get Over the Breakup and Enjoy Life Again
Aubrey from Jackson asks:
I just recently broke up with someone, and he is being quite spiteful about it. He goes out of his way to flirt with my close friends just to make me jealous and miserable. Frankly, I can’t say he isn’t getting to me. He’s said horrible things behind my back to others. He’s said he dislikes me more and more every day, and that I’m affecting everybody negatively except for him. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that, but I assume that he believes that I’m being cruel to him in a way that makes him conclude that I’m only hurting myself and the people around me. All I know is that I have this unyielding hatred and bitterness inside me for him now. I want to be able to forget about him and move on. Please give me your thoughts.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
I’m sorry you have to endure such childlike games after a breakup. Unfortunately, and you should know this better than most, your ex often has a need to “look good” or be the center of attention. The avenues he takes to get the attention he craves isn’t always the healthiest or kindest avenues, and you have the misfortune of being on the receiving end. Of course it’s going to get to you. And, as some mutual friends are in the mix, he really trying to get a few people to take “sides.” It’s all very unpleasant, and very immature.
The thing is, Aubrey, you’re processing and recovering from a breakup, so it’s not like you’ve been all smiles all the time. But, much to his dismay, you haven’t been openly falling apart and wallowing because the relationship didn’t work out till the end of days. That really gets to him. He’s hurting, in his way, but he hasn’t been seeing your pain, and that bugs him. He would feel more validated if you were a mess. Since you weren’t, he’s trying to make you into one. Realize that it is basically an immature mind game, and don’t let him win. Heck, don’t even play. Let it be known that you don’t want to hear anything he’s said about you from any of your friends, and keep your distance from him for a while until things blow over.
While he certainly has done well in making you reevaluate everything you thought you knew, that was part of his point. Some part of him wants you to be as broken as he is, but that’s not really your style. Instead of letting the hatred and rage grow in you, really think about the whole picture. It’s not really worth the time or energy to hate someone that really warrants more pity than anything else. Understand that he’s going to be a jerk, but you don’t have to react to it. You don’t have to engage in the dramas, or you’ll become that sullen, negative person he wants you to believe you have been. If anything, just let people know that you don’t want them in the drama, and that you just want to move on with your life, and hope that he will do the same.
All of the drama will die down and fade away. Time will take care of that. But, you need to consciously let go of the anger and hatred you have toward him. It serves no one, but it does hurt you. You don’t have to like him. You don’t even have to forgive him at this point, if that is something you aren’t quite ready to do. But, you should find the joy in that you are no longer with him—a man-child who goes to such extremes to make you uncomfortable, look like a loony bitch, and tries to justify his bad behavior by putting it off on you—all while messing with your head in the process. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself and all those around you is laugh.
It’s a tough time, but you’ll get through it. You can’t control what others do, but you can control how you react to it. Don’t hate him because he’s childish and weak. He can kick up as much dirt as he wants to but he can’t stop you from moving on, unless you let him. You know the truth, and now you have a better view of who he really is—and a list of reasons why he isn’t good enough for you. So, stick to the facts, let go of the hate (which binds him to you, in an unhealthy way) and wake up tomorrow knowing that you are moving on.
Take care of yourself.
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