Have an Authentic Relationship
As children, were were often told to be quiet—seen and not heard. We were pressured to fit in. We were taught that other people’s opinions of us mattered more than how we felt about ourselves. We were taught to “suck it up,” or “keep a stiff upper lip.” Do you remember feeling suspicious of someone or something and being told it was “just your imagination”? Do you remember feeling hurt or upset by someone or something and being told, “you’re too sensitive”?
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Our upbringings make it very hard for us to tell our truths—or true feelings—and have authentic conversations. But, if we don’t tell our truths or share our true feelings we end up asking ourselves later on, “What happened?” I see this a lot on the line when callers want to know why their relationships keep failing or make them unhappy.
When it comes to love, you need to be open and honest with your partner. You need to say what you think and feel. It’s not always easy to do, but you have to do it if you want an authentic relationship. Here are a few tips to make it easier on you:
You Won’t Always Agree With Each Other
You and your partner have different points of view, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make your relationship work. If you respect their opinions, they will respect yours. You need to listen to each other and if you can’t agree, at least agree to disagree. Otherwise, you will have a war on your hands. Being honest is an opportunity to educate your partner about who you are and what you believe. Honesty establishes intimacy and who doesn’t want a more intimate, authentic relationship?
Use “I” Statements Rather Than “You” Statements
This is a communication tip: Use “I” statements, rather than “You” statements. For example, “I feel disrespected or misunderstood when you make assumptions about my feelings and desires.” That’s way less aggressive and accusatory than saying, “You make assumptions about my feelings and desires.” “I” statements place more emphasis on your feelings and less emphasis on what your partner has done wrong. They won’t feel as attacked if you don’t communicate with them in an aggressive way.
Invite Your Partner Into the Conversation
Don’t drop a discussion bomb into their lap while they’re in the middle of a stressful work day or when they’re clearly preoccupied with something. Instead, choose a time that is convenient for them. You could say, “I’d like to have an important discussion with you, but I want to do it when you’re ready and can devote the right amount of attention to it.” Let me know what time is good for you. Remember to use “I” statement to talk about feelings.
Tell the Truth
This tip is key to an authentic relationship! It’s also what keeps you current with yourself and your partner. That’s because you’ll never have to rehash old issues and say how you really felt if you were honest in the first place. Telling the truth leads to some wonderful conversations. For example, let’s say someone made a comment to you, and instead of asking what they meant or telling them how it made you feel, you just keep quiet about it and obsess over it for hours, days, weeks, months, years. You may even make assumptions about their intentions and those assumptions could be totally false. Wouldn’t it just be easier and mentally healthier to confront the person and tell them how their comment made you feel? It’s your opportunity to find out what they really meant! When you tell the truth, you make other people tell the truth. Telling the truth creates a beautiful dance and a safe space between people.
With love always,
Psychic Serafina ext. 6327