There are people in your life that are just plain difficult to talk to and understand. Although you might want to tell them how they are causing problems, you probably can’t do this without looking difficult yourself. With these three secrets, you can deal with anyone and get through any situation.
1. Change Your Perspective
Psychic Deejay ext. 5435 points out in the video to let them be themselves. It might take some compassion to see what’s going on in their life or at that moment in time. Can you feel some sympathy or empathy for them? Also, check in with yourself to see if you’re taking on excess negative emotional baggage. If they’re having a difficult time, is it your responsibility to make them happy or feel better? We can only control ourselves, our emotions and our thoughts. Giving up control and finding compassion can help you disconnect from the emotionally-charged situation. By doing so, you can get a fresh perspective on how better to proceed.
As a technology developer, I used to work with lots of different groups of people. Most of the time, I worked directly with the department heads. There was one woman, a manager, who had a very strict standard and high, and sometimes unrealistic, expectations. It was an emotional roller coaster working with her. I complained a few times to my boss, the vice president, who was also this person’s boss. She remarked that we were all here because we were all highly effective in our jobs.
So using the first secret (changing my perspective), I began to figure out how to get to know her differently. By listening to the questions she was asking and the demands she was making, I slowly realized she was intimidated by technology. What I was making intimated her. That surprised me. She had been in the business for longer than I had been alive and she was intimidated by technology. Who knew?
Immediately, I changed the way I presented information to her. I presented information in smaller chunks and took more time to explain it. I gave her more time to digest the presentation and to ask questions.
Over time, she began to relax around me. She told me that she really enjoyed our meetings and that things were making more sense. Of course, that meant I became her default technology geek who explained lots of stuff (even things that had nothing to do with work), but I didn’t mind. Our working relationship had greatly improved.
3. Focus on What Needs to be Done
There are times when you don’t have time to create a rapport with the other person. They just want to finish the project. Instead of getting upset or trying to correct the situation, change your focus. Just look at what needs to be done now. Release what has transgressed and move on with it. You already know from the first secret how to change your perspective. Now it’s all about changing your focus from personal to the project. Again, you will remove yourself from being emotionally attached to the situation and you can get the job done.