Ya Never Gonna Get It!
Dear ladies, I feel that it is my duty as a member of the male species to have compassion and explain a few of the things you’re doing that aren’t working. OK, he dumped you, or stopped calling you, or whatever. It’s time to move on, not time to scheme and plot to get him back or get back at him. Yes, I understand that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, etc, etc, but I think the Buddha also said something about attachment being suffering. And you’re just not letting go of those attachments fast enough…
Here are a few of the things that women can do when they’re obsessing about the man that got away that just categorically cannot and will not work. Just get over it! Get over it! Ya never gonna get it!
1. Calling and texting more the more he ignores you. No, he’s not in trouble. No he doesn’t need you to check up on him. No, he wasn’t kidnapped. He’s freaked out that you’re calling so much. Cut it out.
2. Constantly hovering on his Facebook page. We can see that now. Those face icons on the left side of the page show who’s looking at our profile the most. Why is your face constantly at the top? It’s freaky. Cut it out.
3. Constantly commenting on his Facebook page. Same thing goes for passively-aggressively “liking” his every update, especially if other women comment on them.
4. Guilting him for moving on. Look, people change. They get more clear on who they are and what they’re looking for. They go on to the next lesson. You should, too. “Life is full of changes, and a broken heart is an opportunity to grow,” says Lacy ext. 5494.
5. Calling his friends to see if he’s OK. Never, ever, ever do this. It’s a major violation of boundaries. Almost as bad as:
6. Stealing his friends or his social groups. Do NOT sleep with his best friend to get back at him. Do not become BFFs with his BFFs and act all innocent about it so that he now feels uncomfortable about hanging out with his support network. This is psychotic behavior and totally foul. Don’t do it.
7. Throwing around hexes, curses, get-him-back spells, or other magic f***ery. What are you, eight? This is not an all-girls slumber party. This is the real world. You’re an adult. Deal with your feelings like one and take rejection as a sign that you were doing something wrong and/or that he wasn’t the right one for you, not that he cosmically wronged you and must pay by suffering the wrath of your wickkkked hexes. You are not an extra in “The Craft.” Grow up.
8. Complaining about him on the Internet. It just makes you look bad, scares off other potential suitors, makes your friends think you’re a whiny brat and wastes time you could be spending looking for somebody new.
9. Showing up at his doorstep and/or his office. Remember that movie “Fatal Attraction”? Yeah. Don’t be that chick. There’s laws against it.
10. Sabotaging his new relationships and then showing up as the shoulder to cry on when it all comes crashing down. If you plot this far ahead, congratulations. You have won the Evil Conniving B**** Gold Star MENSA Award for today. You’re still an Evil Conniving B****. Get a life. Get someone new.
And, of course, the All-Time Top No-No:
11. Never, ever, EVER get pregnant and force him to commit to you. It’s gonna end in tears like you wouldn’t believe. It starts at “a miserable life for you, your dude and your child” and goes straight down from there on an express elevator to the firey core of the Earth. You do this, and you have now and forever joined the ranks of Unbearable Hell B****es and shall be branded for all eternity. DON’T DO IT!
Of course, I’ll wrap this up by saying that, yes, almost all of these things men can do as well, and that men can be callous in the extreme. But learn the lesson and move on! Move on! Move on!
A good psychic reading, of course, can help you make that transition. Here’s a few words of wisdom from Chloe ext. 9421: “Healing a broken heart takes time and is a gradual process. The first thing someone can do is begin to change their thought process. Each time you find yourself lost in your own head, entertaining a little fantasy (whether it’s you giving them a piece of your mind or visions of you re-uniting), hit the STOP button. Tell yourself ‘STOP.’ You may only be able to do it for a few seconds until you’re right back in your head again, but just raising your consciousness in this way can eventually turn that ‘pause’ from seconds to minutes and then minutes to hours and hours to days.”
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