All men share a secret life. It may surprise you to learn that it’s a life of the mind. It began when Cell 1 swam across the pool of primordial soup with something clever to say to Cell 2, and it has propelled men toward the opposite sex ever since. It’s the way a guy thinks about sex, and under no circumstances – should it be revealed to women.
Often, when my girl friends seek advice on their confusion and frustration with male behavior, I find myself explaining truths about the male mind’s sexual obsession. They are hard, sad, and embarrassing…for all parties. Sometimes they laugh. Sometimes they refuse to believe me. But usually I’m just looked at with pity.
Here’s what I tell them:
· For a guy to see a woman he is attracted to is to undress and imagine her in bed with him.
Sexual fantasies flicker through a guy’s mind more than he considers his next meal.
· Even if there is no sexual tension in a male-female friendship, he’s imagined sleeping with you.
Guys are wired not only to seek partners, but to consider partners who might be available to him. According to one friend of mine, “It probably happened as soon as we met, and it happens more the longer we’ve known each other.”
· For a single guy, there’s a sexual subtext to every interaction with an attractive female. Even a friendly hello or name exchange.
In a guy’s mind, it makes him one step closer to a sexual relationship. While this sexual tension is usually an accompanying thought to a sincere interaction, for some men it’s the whole point.
· Most men ardently distrust each other’s motivations because they know exactly how guys think. To admit this to a woman is to implicate oneself.
Instead, men wage silent wars of suspicion and jealousy in their heads.
And then comes the least believable part: That sexually-motivated thinking actually has little bearing on our relationships and behavior.
The frequency of sexual fantasies and chatter in the male mind necessarily becomes background noise to the conscious mind. This how men always think, and it doesn’t invalidate what is sacred about love, relationships or sex. Nor does it serve as an excuse for any of the bad things men do in relationships.
The healthiest way to conduct any relationship is honestly. Acting honestly means confronting truths, and it’s better to admit to and understand sexually-motivated thinking than to conceal it.
I’ve always delivered the truth to my girlfriends to help them decode male behavior and make better judgments in their relationships. I’ll be delivering it in this column for you, too.Which signals are you getting – or not getting from your guy? How can I help you decode the male mind?