In our results-oriented Western world, we sometimes forget to stop and smell the roses as the old saying goes. And, unfortunately our impatience with the world has even seeped into the bedroom. There’s nothing wrong with a quickie, every now and then, however, a steady diet of superficial sex is bound to keep true intimacy at bay. Sex, according to those who follow the ancient practice of Tantra, is not just about reaching a climax, it can be a deeply sensual and spiritual act – even without a climax.
Exploring some of the basic elements of Tantric sex (sex that is done with your eyes open) with your partner, involves breathing together, being fully present in the moment, and basically just taking your time. Its regular practice can lead to better lovemaking, enhanced sexual communication and happier endings.
Here’s how it works:
A healthy dose of self-respect in both partners is essential to the success of Tantra. You must feel whole and complete on your own. Once you are comfortable in your own skin (and soul!) and are ready to share yourself with another, you can experience the highest level of intimacy imaginable. Do you feel resolved of your biggest issues? Are you at peace with yourself. If so, read on…
To achieve true intimacy in the bedroom, you must trust one another. The more you open up to each other in a healthy way, the more intimate you become. It may be scary at times to be so vulnerable but to achieve the “high sex” of Tantra, a high level of trust, communication and intimacy is essential. A way to acheive this is to talk to each other about your fears and desires. Remain open and understanding as you share without placing blame or judgment on each other. Doing this in the privacy of your own (dimly lit!) bedroom is the perfect setting.
You may not be vacationing in the Bahamas but you can still create an atmosphere that is romantic and erotic. To create ambience, burn some incense or essential oil candles, throw pillows and blankets (in elegant fabrics) around the room or dress in silk or other tasteful lingerie. Bring your lover small tokens of your affection – a favorite flower or an old photo that reminds you of a wonderful day together. This is part of the ritual of lovemaking, according to Tantra. It’s a time to relax and unwind and lose all inhibition.
Learn to love your partner with your eyes, breath and touch. Truly embrace the give and take of the moment in each other’s presence. Breath in deeply and smell your lover. Gently stroke the inside of their arm or any other spot they find arousing. Take your time by holding off intercourse until you are highly aroused. Make it last as long as you can.
Try this simple yogic exercise. Sit face to face, naked, with your eyes open (make sure the room is warm enough). Next, embrace each other paying close attention to each other’s breath until you are breathing as one. Stay this way for at least a minute or more. Eventually, pull away just enough to look into each other’s eyes. It sounds so simple, but don’t worry if you find yourself shying away or giggling before you are able to lock eyes and take each other in fully.
Next, take time caressing each other – but not in the obvious places. Massage his thighs coming close but still not touching. Caress her calves and stomach. As you slowly delve into making love, the key is to take your time and not rush to climax. By using controlled breathing and switching positions when you feel close to orgasm, you can last for hours.
By practicing Tantra, when you do climax it will be a vibrational energy that resonates throughout your whole body and soul – creating a true spiritual experience. This is a wonderful way to become closer than ever before to your beloved.
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