When you’re inside of any relationship you need to decide if it’s a relationship or if it’s just a relationship of sex. Ask yourself what it is that you want and what it is that you really need.
Make Sure You’re Asking for the Right Thing
Full-fledged relationships can rock, but they’re not for everyone. We’re not cookie cutter people. We’re all unique, and we all have unique needs at different times in our lives. Do you know what you need in a relationship, or whether you need one at all? Would you just prefer a rousing romp without all the relationship mess, or would you prefer a lasting union over sex without substance? Whether a matter of preference or circumstance, only you know what you really need, and finding that truth can be freeing and fulfilling.
Honest and Open
It’s not selfish to know what you want and need and to go for it. Life is meant to be enjoyed. If you’re involved with someone, being honest about your expectations and what you’re willing or not willing to give to the relationship keeps the playing field even so everyone can be happy and guilt free. It also gives the person you’re involved with the same freedom you enjoy, the freedom of choice. If they’re looking for a relationship and all you can offer them is great sex, or vice versa, it’s only right to put the cards out on the table so that there are no false expectations.
Some reasons you may just want sex without the relationship are:
• You’re too busy focusing on your career or other matters;
• You’re just not ready for a commitment;
• You just ended a serious relationship and you need some space.
Of course, you could also have a bit of fear about relationships, the feeling of being hurt, or the pain of rejection. And then again you just may enjoy sex for the pure sexual act and prefer not to be pinned down to one partner or relationship. All of these reasons are valid reasons.
“Attracting sex is simple. The hard part is when someone believes that sex and love are the same or that one will naturally lead to the other.” – Reed ext. 5105
The Full Package
Some reasons you may prefer a real relationship over merely a sexual relationship can vary as well:
• For you, sex without a relationship connection is meaningless;
• You have a plan for your future and having a real relationship is part of that plan;
• You’re saving the intimacy of sex for that special moment with that special person in your life.
These reasons can also change with our constantly-changing life circumstances. You want the great sex life and the great relationship. For you they are synonymous. And even if the day comes when sex is less frequent, you’ll at least know you have a solid relationship to keep the two of you connected.
Having What You Really Need
At different times in our lives, we want and need different things. These desires can be shaped by our upbringing, our relationship history, our current situations, or any combination of these factors. The trick is to know what’s right for you, right at this moment. Honor that. Being true to yourself will draw you closer to having what you really want and need.
“Love and relationships are kind of like jobs, we change constantly until we find that right one that sticks around for the long haul.” – Lacy ext. 5494
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