Breaking Up is Hard to Do!
Most of us have experienced a breakup with someone who was very important to us. We each will deal with it in our own way, although we all share the same emotions around a breakup. Breakups are hard on both woman and men. Culture teaches men to suppress their emotions or to give off a persona of being insensitive and unmovable, hard and maybe even cold. Men are not emotionally unattached and don’t simply move on without any thought or feelings. The only differences between men and woman is in how men and woman communicate and express themselves.
There is a wide range of different reasons why people break up. One person may feel that their interests, feeling, beliefs and values aren’t as well matched as they thought. Maybe one person has developed feelings for someone else, or that their just not interested in having a serious relationship right now. The reason for the breakup is as different as each relationship and the people involved.
So let’s look at some of the feelings we each go through. Let’s start with denial.
Everyone on some level has a difficult time believing and accepting that the relationship is over for good. That’s normal. Admitting this can be very painful. You had a partner who you thought was a trusted loved one, but now they seem not to care about you or your feelings and they walked away from the relationship.
There may be feeling of confusion around their decision to leave or thoughts of how it is supposed to feel that awareness that there is something missing and that not knowing what to do feeling. It may be strange or incomplete without this person a lacking in life, a hole. And there are questions you have that you may never have an answer to. Maybe you wonder about who you are, and the meaning of your life without your partner. What should you do now? Will your love come back or should you move on? Is there anyone else for you?
Unanswered questions feed into the feelings of grief and despair that seem to come in waves. It is normal to cry and to feel sad , lonely, hurt, mad and frustrated. There may be random thoughts of this person you can’t seem to stop. You may feel an intense need at times to make contact with your ex-partner texting or calling when you know it’s not going to help. This person pops into your thoughts during different points of the day, such as waking up in the morning, or when you’re going to bed.
Then there is the fear of being alone. You feel frightened and find it difficult to imagine life without the person you love. You are fearful that you will never find love or feel happy again.
Anger is a feeling we all share and it’s normal to be angry with a partner who we feel has caused us pain.
Guilt, self-blame and angry at yourself, you wonder what you could have done to cause the breakup. You may even attempt to bargain with an ex-partner to give the relationship another chance.
On the other hand, if you initiated the breakup you may feel guilty about causing pain to your partner.
Then the jealousy or panic about your partner potentially being with someone else shows up.
You also may feel confused over a sense of relief from negative feelings associated with the relationship that resulted from fighting, insecurity or boredom.
These feelings can occur whether you are fresh out of a relationship or have been out of one for some time and are still trying to understand what happened.
Even though each situation has its unique set of emotional challenges, things do get better. Support from friends and family is very important. Work on emotionally taking care of yourself first. Rebuild confidence with a genuine desire to move on with your life and find closer. Give yourself attention and take care of your needs first. This will make you stronger and have more control in your life. With closure brings in a new potential for romance with a new love.