A broken bone takes time to heal. If memory serves, recovery lasts about six weeks. Once upright, you still might not be ready to run a marathon. Do me a favor. Think of your best friend. Now assume they have a broken leg — left or right — it doesn’t matter. You just came back from the doctor’s where they removed the cast. On the way home you force them to run a marathon, even though you know they are not ready. (Be patient. I’m going somewhere with this.)
It would never occur to you to be violent toward anyone, especially your best friend. So why would you ever force yourself?
People are basically good. I choose to believe that. We really try to treat others with some form of compassion. Why do you treat yourself with such violence when you handle others with compassion?
Here’s where I’m going with this. Assume your relationship just ended. You feel broken, kind of like your best friend’s leg. You need time to heal. I know you are lonely. I know you don’t want to be alone. But the puppy replacement theory only works with puppies, not people.
You want the pain to end. I honor that, but healing takes time: Time to forgive the other person, and time to forgive yourself.
Riddle me this — I need you to be kinder to yourself than you ever thought you could be. Give yourself the same compassion you would give your best friend. I’m asking you to take some time off from dating. Take time off from trying to lure that person back. Take a break from being violent to yourself.
Allow yourself to feel the pain — fully. Try not to run from it. Sometimes paths just uncross. It’s horrible, I know. I’ve been ‘uncrossed’ a time or two. It takes self-forgiveness. It takes self-compassion.
Just as a broken bone takes time to heal.