A broken bone takes time to heal. If memory serves, recovery lasts about six weeks. Once upright, you still might not be ready to run a marathon. Do me a favor. Think of your best friend. Now assume they have a broken leg — left or right — it doesn’t matter. You just came back from the doctor’s where they removed the cast. On the way home you force them to run a marathon, even though you know they are not ready. (Be patient. I’m going somewhere with this.)
It would never occur to you to be violent toward anyone, especially your best friend. So why would you ever force yourself?
People are basically good. I choose to believe that. We really try to treat others with some form of compassion. Why do you treat yourself with such violence when you handle others with compassion?
Here’s where I’m going with this. Assume your relationship just ended. You feel broken, kind of like your best friend’s leg. You need time to heal. I know you are lonely. I know you don’t want to be alone. But the puppy replacement theory only works with puppies, not people.
You want the pain to end. I honor that, but healing takes time: Time to forgive the other person, and time to forgive yourself.
Riddle me this — I need you to be kinder to yourself than you ever thought you could be. Give yourself the same compassion you would give your best friend. I’m asking you to take some time off from dating. Take time off from trying to lure that person back. Take a break from being violent to yourself.
Allow yourself to feel the pain — fully. Try not to run from it. Sometimes paths just uncross. It’s horrible, I know. I’ve been ‘uncrossed’ a time or two. It takes self-forgiveness. It takes self-compassion.
Just as a broken bone takes time to heal.
13 thoughts on “Nurse Your Broken Heart”
Pingback: Sex Q&A: Recover from True Love Lost | California Psychics Blog
my relationship just ended & i really hurt myself by doing such stuff like listening to the romantic music and his voice and pic!!! from now on i won’t do any of these.really, how can a broken leg run!!!
This is a great artcile! I just had my heart shattered…I had looked for the connection I felt with this man for 15 years!! It was unbelievable- there is NO Doubt in my heart-he is my soulmate! And now our paths have “uncrossed” and it feels like, I will never be able to stop the ache…from losing the connection, that was such an rare and wonderful gift!! It’s crazy how long the hurt of heartache lasts…….
After 37 years of marriage and to hear the only man in your life tell you “Get over it I feel nothing for you” hurt,but then to be locked out of your own home.Tell me when will I stop crying,caring,hurting and going thru depression? He swore if I left it would be hell and ugly.Promise he’s kept. Thanks Ivy I needed desperate help.
Don’t – she should accord you the respect she accords her self and her friends. She hasn’t been doing that.
Accord yourself, i.e. treat yourself, as you would treat others; allow yourself time to regain your love for you and sense of self worth.
If she then asks you back, ask yourself can I trust this person? Am I worthy of more loyalty than they show? Or will they leave me feeling betrayed and heart broken again?
LOVE THIS ARTICLE I JUST TOLD A FRIEND THE EXACT SAME THING YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE TRYIN 2 PUSH ME AND I STILL IN THE HEALING STAGES AND SOME TIME IT MY TAKE LONGER 2 GET OVER THAT PERSON.IM CONCENTRATE ON ME ENJOY ME BEING ME AND IF LOVE EVER COME AGAIN HOPEFULLY I WILL EMBRACE IT AGAIN.
Dear Ivy, I truely know about the broken heart, I have one now, my first broken heart came at an early age, and took me 14 years to heal and really let someone in, so I could fall in love again. And, now 17 years later well, lets just say I can’t bring myself to feel that type of hurt ever,. This time it’s different, I let myself love with my soul, not just my heart, I felt like we had a cord connecting us, and when that cord was severed, OMG, The pain is unimaginable, I really want to feel love again, but, I am getting to old for the pain, devastation, or the hurt of another heart shattering experience. Do you have any advice for me? Thanks.
The puppy replacement theory does not work with dogs and puppies, either. Dogs are sentient beings who become an integral part of our lives. I don’t believe in the puppy replacement theory at all. There must be a better analogy…
i believed you cannot forgive yourself from teh broken heart as well being cheated ,
If you can go thru all this ,you are realyy a great woman .
beautiful article, but im afraid, isnt it that you know what i am going through,oh! my God, its painful,, i’ve been dating one girl, very beautiful relationship, but to find that she has been seeng onother guy in a diffrent city and this distroyed everything and we decided to part,but i still love her, i dont know if its because im lonely or what, can i ask her back?
Fabulous article, I love the part where you said you honor the time of healing and releasing.
This is such an important time to start fresh, enjoy the new wonderful relationship that will be coming, become excited about the future, remember it is through this energy that will bring in that perfect mate, (well almost perfect we have to remember we are still on this planet learning and growing LOL)
Blessings and Big Hugs,
It seems everything and everyone has a time and a season. People enter into our lives and then leave, in one form or another, each bringing and leaving lessons learned and taught. Instead of focusing on the emptiness one feels when left, look forward to the next step of your life’s journey and how you will use the wisdom brought into your life by others.
Thanks for a great article.
May I add that when we give ourselves time to heal from a broken or bruised heart, we also give the universe time to put into place in our future one of those people that we will be eternally grateful there was space in our lives for when we met them.
Definitely forgive yourself, be very good to yourself, and recognize you are evolving into a next, even better relationship. It really is a rebirth and we know those can be uncomfortable at first.