It’s hard for people to even consider thinking about infidelity. How can we say with undoubting certainty that our spouse or partner is faithful in every aspect? How can we get rid of our doubts and our secret fears that we might be made fools of by the ones whom we trust and love so faithfully? Is it so difficult to tell whether a spouse or a partner is cheating? What are some factors influencing these sorts of decisions? How is it possible for a decent human being to be able to tamper with the trust of another? What are the cognitive and psycho-dynamic elements in a relationship which compel a person to look beyond the realm of the marriage for fulfillment and pleasure?
There are many reasons that would make committed persons pursue affairs outside of their relationships. Sometimes the “spice” or the “action” that were once the major movers in the relationship may disappear. Certain things may have either been overdone in the past, or they might have simply reached a plateau and may not be interesting anymore. There may be no more variety in the daily life of the relationship. One of the partners may be lured by material goods possessed by the person he/she is having an affair with. However, the main reason for infidelity has to be the lack of mental and emotional connection between the partners. Many people find someone else who is or is close to being their soul mate, and a partner with whom they can share their lives without emotional restraints and constraints.
What made the flight attendant, who was my client; leave her rich and successful entrepreneur partner of a few years to engage in a relationship with a firefighter? When I asked her how could she do what she did, she replied that she had realized that life is much beyond diamonds and pearls, expensive holidays and posh life. The excitement and emotional experiences with the new firefighter boyfriend made her feel like a real and complete woman with added fizz in her life. For the first time in her life, life was not boring and monotonous. It took her less than forty-eight hours to reach the decision that she would never go back to her long time partner. She gave back all the jewelry and went on to a new journey, as unpredictable as she could imagine.
As there are many reasons for cheating, there are also many ways of recognizing whether or not a partner is having an affair outside of the relationship. First of all, excuses will become more frequent and will include complaints of illness, body aches, stress and anxiety, among others. One loses interest in the food the partner prepares, and does not want to spend any leisure time with their partner. Finally, among other things, he/she will suddenly start paying more attention to things in the household and will start buying gifts to compensate for the guilt. No one case is the same, and many factors influence our decisions. We are all independent human beings who sometimes feel trapped, bored or cornered. In order to escape this emotional cocoon, we reach for the unknown, no matter the consequence.