I’ve been in a relationship for going on eight years now. And we’ve been engaged for almost as long. I think that he’s not the one for me or I would’ve set the date by now. I’ve never been faithful to him! There’s no vavoom in the bedroom. We are however, friends. But not that great of friends. I stay out of fear of starting over again. But for some reason it just isn’t working for me! Why, can’t I make it work on my part?
Signed,
Too Bored To Marry
Dear Too Bored,
You said it yourself, he’s not your guy! You’re bored, there’s no chemistry, and you’re with him out of fear. Here’s the truth – you’re not great friends. A great friend wouldn’t do this to him. You’re using him for your own lazy, stuck reasons and are wasting both of your time. Clearly you don’t believe that what you want exists, or you’d have moved on. You’re what I call a “soup kitchen girl” – thinking that the world of love requires that you stand in line for hours in the cold just to get watery soup and a dry crust of bread. Well, guess what? There’s over three billion men in the world, my dear! There’s a banquet going on without you and you’re missing all the fun. (Oops – by your own admission you’re not missing all the fun – you’re sneaking in a side door and grabbing a few forbidden snacks here and there, and then going back to the soup kitchen!) Let the poor man go, and start believing that all you desire is possible. And from now on, only date men who stimulate your body and mind, and stand amazed as your life changes.
Good luck!
Carol
Last year I met a wonderful man online. We’ve been a “couple” for the last nine months. He still has his profile on the dating site and it upsets me to think that he’s still “looking.” I don’t get that feeling when we’re together – he’s very loving and affectionate. Should I tell him that I am upset about this or not bring it up at all? What would you do in this situation?
Signed,
Don’t Know What To Say
Dear Don’t Know,
I’d ask him what he wants… This is a big mistake women often make in dating. If we don’t ask, men are often all too happy to not tell! (Not because they’re not honorable – they just typically enjoy dating more than one person at a time more than women do.) Don’t assume that just because he’s seeing you regularly and being affectionate that he wants what you want – or that you’re a “couple.” You have to ask the man. These are the kinds of things to ask: Does he ever see being exclusive with you? If he says yes, then ask what it would take for that to happen soon – as in, now? Does he want a long-term relationship? What’s he looking for? If you don’t want the same things, then at the very least start dating others. Frankly, since you asked, if I wanted to be serious with this guy and he was still “looking” after nine months, I’d be dating and looking, too – or would cut him loose entirely. As for why, see the answer to the first question above, and go join the banquet!
Good luck!
Carol
