Get Your Love Life Together by Getting Yourself Together!
A common theme with my callers is romance and attracting a mate. It’s natural to want to find that perfect (or perfect enough) traveling companion with whom to share life’s journey. In trying to find that special someone, we often get our hearts stomped on (sometimes repeatedly) and it can be hard to not get a little jaded after a time. Sometimes that jadedness, that negativity, gets carried along into the next relationship and weighs it down like a brick on a bird’s back.
That emotional baggage can lead to nagging , complaining, neediness, and whining – and let’s face it, those are not attractive qualities.
Here’s an example for you:
Imagine that someone you know is about to take a trip that promises to be quite the adventure. This person asks you to go along and you say, “Well, maybe, but you’ll have to talk me into it first and convince me that you really want my company… and you’ll have to pay my way because I’m not prepared financially… and you’ll have to carry my bags because I haven’t the strength to carry them… and you will have to carry me most of the time because I have no faith in my own steps… and you’ll have to reassure me each time before you pick me up because I’ve been dropped before and…”
Now imagine it in another way:
Imagine that someone you know is about to take a trip that promises to be quite the adventure. This person asks you to go along and you say, “You bet! I’ve got a camera and a first aid kit, git your boots on and let’s go!”
Of course you would never actually say the things in the first scenario, but some folks seem to live with that attitude. They live as though they need someone to constantly prop them up because they really are inadequate. Some folks seem to be wet blankets that demand that all the focus is going to have to be on them and their limitations, not on the adventure of living. If this sounds like you, then like my granny used to say, “You’re about as much fun as stepping in three inches of mud with two inch heels.”
Chances are that you really have been hurt, and I’m not making light of that pain. It’s real and it’s raw and it’s scary sometimes. Chances are that sometimes it feels hopeless and you really don’t believe you can fix it on your own, and maybe you really can’t. Chances are that what you really want is to put that damage out there for all to see in the hopes that someone is going to show up and volunteer to fix it. Chances are that it isn’t working for you either, so it’s a good thing that there’s another way for you to get what you want:
Look at the animal kingdom and you’ll hardly ever see a creature attract a mate by acting lame or pathetic. To attract a mate, animals often show off their brightest colors, their most graceful or energetic moves, or their best abilities. We are complex animals, and while we all do have some limitations and weaknesses, we don’t have to let them define us and advertising them won’t get them fixed.
When was the last time you saw a car commercial that said, “Our cars break down a lot and they’re cramped and boxy. Don’t you want one?” Or maybe a restaurant claiming, “Our food tastes like a the saw dust scraped off the dance floor on Sunday morning. MMM… MMM! You better getcha some!”
Whether you want a job, a house, a friend, a mate – lead with your strengths, and don’t tell me that you don’t have any either. You can’t have survived to adulthood and be reading this now unless you developed some sort of skill, interest, talent, or aptitude. Whether it’s your loyalty, your cooking, your business acumen, your spiritual nature, or your collection of Amish farm tools, there is something interesting and wonderful about you.
Think about all your finer points. Make a list. If you need help, ask a trusted friend, coworker, minister, parent, counselor, or psychic. Find your beauty and celebrate it. When you love and appreciate your strengths, you’ll find that other people will, too.
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