So you’ve gone through the nasty break-up, you’ve had some time and space to get over the hurt and anger over how things ended, and you feel like you’re recovering from your romantic war wounds. You may be well on your way to getting over him; however, it’s usually a good idea to reflect on the validity of your recovery. Here’s a short review of some signs that might indicate—gulp—that your heart is not ready to let go.
1. You Compare Him to Every Guy You Meet
It’s natural to compare the people we meet with the ones we’ve known, friended, and dated. But when every guy is weighed, measured, and found wanting in some way or another, it’s a sure sign that you still have it bad for him.
2. Every Thought and Conversation Swings Back to Him
Everyone who makes an impression in your life will be a part of who you are, who you think of and speak of. But if thoughts of your ex pop into your head a hundred times a day, and when no conversation takes place without the use of your ex’s name at least once, you need to own up to the fact even though he may be out of your life, the ghost of his memories is still a very real presence.
3. You’re Constantly Checking Up on Him
With the advent of modern technology, it’s too easy to check up on anyone at any given moment through cyberspace. Facebook and Twitter have become perfect methods for round-the-clock observation of anyone you choose. If you’re constantly checking out his pages, comments, and other women he’s friends with, etc., you are indisputably in high obsession mode.
4. Your Actions are Influenced by How Jealous You Think it Will Make Him
Break-ups hurt, and a common response many women have is to go out there and make him regret it. Showing up at his favorite hangouts, flirting and hanging onto any guy within an arm’s reach in order to get a rise out of him is just a waste of time, and will only make you feel miserable when it doesn’t evoke the response you want. Face it, if you’re bent on proving to him that he gave up a good thing, you are clearly putting your energies into that instead of into the new guy you met last week.
5. You Can’t Throw Out Any Photos or Mementos of the Two of You
Keeping a few memories concerning every important aspect of your life can be a healthy choice, as it represents a tribute to life experiences and adventures, and years later can bring a sense of sweet nostalgia. But if you’ve got every scrap of memento of the two of you as a couple spilling out of numerous boxes—or worse, still displayed around your house—you clearly haven’t let go of the past.
6. When You Must Continue to Insinuate Yourself Into His Life
Even though you two have called it quits, you have constant urges to ask him how he’s doing, to congratulate him on the new girlfriend, new job, etc. It’s nice, and healthy to wish your ex well in his future endeavors and relationships, but when your main focus is to maintain an ongoing presence in his life for fear that he may forget you, it’s clear that your feelings for him still run deep. Along the same vein, maintaining friendships with an ex is not for everyone, and often someone still has feelings for the other, which only prolongs the heartache. Unless both of you are absolutely sure that the friendship comes with no delusions of future romance, you should work on focusing your energies instead, say, on your friends who offered you that supportive shoulder to weep on when he broke your heart.