5 Reasons You Should Take the Next Step

In our recent blog post, When is the Right Time to Move In, we explored the new rise in cohabitation before marriage. Psychic Althea ext. 9582 elaborates:

I do “not” believe that premarital cohabitation cheapens the construct of marriage. It is purely a way to experience elements of marriage without the legal additives, including the good ones like tax breaks.

Now, for people with religious precepts that forbid premarital cavorting: this may not be a good option if the grief and guilt will outweigh the bliss of being in the company of your betrothed.

I agree with AngelEyes regarding the “test drive.” It is mutually beneficial to see if your habits mesh and if you can tolerate and thrive in an environment where both folks are being authentic in the day to day routine and ritual. I believe that this initial cohabitation is a proving ground for compromise. The act of sharing a space is akin to training-wheels for decisions like marriage, commingling assets and possible baby making.

When is the right time to move in?

1. When you can’t stand not too!

2. When both partners are so excited and enthused with each other that you hate the thought of not waking up together each and every day.

3. When you want nothing more than to kiss those lips while flossing your teeth and doing the laundry.

4. When both partners can’t wait to work on common goals and share a space where they are totally exposed to the other in an open door policy where secrets are minimal or non-existent.

5. You must be on the same page with your core values. Meaning, if one partner desires monogamy then this should be the theme of the relationship.

Although each case is different, I feel very strongly that a new live-in scenario should never begin out of economic necessity. I feel that both partners should be able to economically sustain his or herself before moving in together. This advice may seem odd since in prior generations it was common for ladies to go from their parent’s home or from a college setting into a marriage where they were not expected to work outside the home. I say, “Wonderful,” if you and your partner have an agreement where only one income is needed for a blissful existence. But usually it does not begin this way in this economy.

Many good intentions go afoul over unexpected financial disasters leading to expedited timelines. The most common scenario is where folks are getting along well and one partner finds his/herself unemployed and facing eviction. The employed partner feels obligated to accept or initiate a live-in arrangement because they care about the other’s well-being, often love the intimacy… and they don’t relish appearing selfish to everyone who knows the story. Fear comes in to play as well when desperate folks may take desperate measures. Most don’t want to lose their partner to someone who may be willing to accommodate their domestic needs. This necessity, fear-driven paradigm is a breeding ground for resentments to fester.

I certainly don’t want to appear to be sucking the joy out of romantic couplings by talking about money, or the lack thereof. So what happens if you and your partner decide to move in together but suddenly, unexpectedly, one of you gets laid off? Carry on as planned if both of you are still on board — after all, this was initially not a plan devised out of necessity, but out of desire.

I believe it is compassionate and spiritually inspired when we open our hearts and homes to extend a hand in times of need. I encourage people to be open to family and friends who need temporary accommodations when suffering from medical or financial difficulties or rebuilding after sobriety.

If at all possible, ones in need should turn to family and friends and save the romantic move-in for a later time when a firm foundation may be laid to endure the imminent storms. You do not want to poison the pot by beginning a shared life together where the tables are unbalanced and fraught with uncertainly and instability.

Many Blessings to you all.

9 thoughts on “5 Reasons You Should Take the Next Step

  1. m

    Dear Althea,
    I am hopelessly in love with a man who is both emotionally and physically unavailable. He’s a military man with a bachelor attitude and is based a few hours away from where I live. He and I had a brief but passionate relationship last year, but I fear he ended things because we moved too quickly. I am still desperately hoping that he and I will reunite, but his youth and our distance are two of many hurdles keeping us apart. I have spoken to a number of psychics, including yourself, who have all assured me that he will soon sew his wild oats and grow up. That he loves me and wants to start a future with me. I’ve been told that I will start seeing these changes soon and that he will contact me very soon. I have been told countless times that he and I belong together and that all I need is a little patience. But based on what I’ve been told, i should have heard from him by now.If you can’t tell already, I am the most impatient person. I want my “Happily Ever After” to start coming together, but I have yet to witness any positive changes. Why is that? Is it because I want this too much? Is it because I am too doubtful of the miraculous turnaround that is to come? Is it negative Karma?Please help me understand.M.

    Reply
  2. M

    Dear Althea,
    I am hopelessly in love with a man who is both emotionally and physically unavailable. He’s a military man with a bachelor attitude and is based a few hours away from where I live. He and I had a brief but passionate relationship last year, but I fear he ended things because we moved too quickly. I am still desperately hoping that he and I will reunite, but his youth and our distance are two of many hurdles keeping us apart. I have spoken to a number of psychics, including yourself, who have all assured me that he will soon sew his wild oats and grow up. That he loves me and wants to start a future with me. I’ve been told that I will start seeing these changes soon and that he will contact me very soon. I have been told countless times that he and I belong together and that all I need is a little patience. But based on what I’ve been told, i should have heard from him by now.If you can’t tell already, I am the most impatient person. I want my “Happily Ever After” to start coming together, but I have yet to witness any positive changes. Why is that? Is it because I want this too much? Is it because I am too doubtful of the miraculous turnaround that is to come? Is it negative Karma?Please help me understand.M.

    Reply
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  4. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hello Verbena-
    Oh yes!! You will continue to do so. Especially with you being a medium etc.
    The mind is something else. Yet, as much as I know, I still fight that “inner voice” sometimes. Having Virgo Rising, I tend to obsess on checking things too much….How many times have I ran back into the house, after leaving, to make sure that the coffee pot is turned off etc lol or else I will think about it all day long.
    There is karmic irony. This is and would be a very “complex” and esoteric discussion. I am ready when you are
    :)
    hugs,
    miss krystal

    Reply
  5. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Thanks, Althea. I appreciate your honesty.
    I am a big believer in “steps” myself. Theory? It depends. I have honestly experienced where some theories have “holes”-But they can serve a purpose, of course. Additionally, they are good points for departure in order to begin a debate.
    My 100 year old Libra, grandmother is full of wisdom. She claims the following: Money has wings-and Money is the root of all evil….
    It’s great to see you on here. You are a wonderful asset to this network.
    Cheers and many thanks again,
    Miss Krystal

    Reply
  6. Althea 9582

    Taryne,
    So glad you liked the article! I’m enthused to have your take on things. That is a very interesting and valid point regarding “nothing changes when you’re married, except you expect them to.” I can see the validity in this.
    Taryne, you bring up a good point in your own account of benefits to a test-drive. As you stated; “I was able to see that this was not the guy for me and because he lived far from me I don’t know if I would have found out before the wedding!” * This is such a theme I have seen lately too, due to internet connections where folks begin to fall in love via a cyber connection. This evolves in to phone convos and visits. They want to eventually marry but feel it would be judicious to move in first since a series of brief visits is often not enough continuous time to establish how things will truly be. * This is probably fodder for another blog topic:)
    Be Blessed~
    Althea

    Reply
  7. Althea 9582

    Miss Krystal,
    Thanks much for the compliments and I so appreciate your insights and contribution. Let me say; I do totally agree with you that financial woes often do not coincide with one having been fiscally irresponsible. Stuff happens, especially in this odd economic zone of late. I will also concur that I have heard my share of success stories that I feel were truly the karmic wheel in motion, pairing folks up into scenarios of cohabitation that have played out well and spurred spiritual and cohesive growth.
    On the flip side; I have heard some tales of sadness and resentment. Unfortunately, some of us are just not as nice and hospitable when we lose an identity marker like a career or element of tangible success. I have seen and heard accounts of folks changing emotional aptitude and treating their partner in an unsavory way due to their own life spinning out of control. The supportive partner’s side of this tale often smacks of growing resentments as they are waking up to a person they don’t fully recognize. They can live with the waning financial spectrum, but are having a hard time with the how the change and loss has affected their partner’s ability to be happy, blissful, open and loving. Then if things hit a really rough patch they tend to get more emotionally marred when the frustrated partner may desire temporary space and may disappear for a few hours to a few days. Of course this is an extreme example. Miss Krystal: I am so glad that you have shared and been privy to wonderful stories of karmic couplings that have worked out in grand design despite economic challenges.
    I find it interesting how we as intuitives can be as impacted in our ideals and ideas by our clients, as they are by our insight. I know many of my theories, etc have sprouted from conversations with querents. It is fascinating how this dialogue can forever alter our opinions, yet open our eyes. I always want to grow… and mostly that comes by my embracing alternate ideas and opinions. Thank you for your take on this subject matter~ very well written and expressed! I appreciate and welcome your input anytime.
    Warm Regards
    Althea

    Reply
  8. Taryne

    I just wanted to add to this article which was really well done. I have always thought that way but recently something made me change or at least look at my view. I am going to school to get a degree in Psych. Anyhow, I took a class called Marriage and Family. We spent loads of time on this topic. Well it turns out that statistically speaking if you live together before marrying you are highly more likely to divorce. I thought “What!”. Well my teacher explained the problem with living with someone before marriage and then marrying is that nothing changes when your married except you expect them to. You have been doing things are certain way for so long and behaviors are very hard to change. They say it is way better to set the expectations from the begining. What you expect from a serious boyfriend and a husband can differ quite a bit. But, being someone who was in a relashionship where we lived together first I am glad it happened. I was able to see that this was not the guy for me and because he lived far from me I don’t know if I would have found out before the wedding!

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  9. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Hi Althea,
    You have raised many excellent points. I am very impressed with what type of writer that you are.
    Eloquent in deed….
    As I have agreed with almost every thing in this article, however, there is just one thing I have observed in a different light. I am taking the liberty here to explain.
    In the decades that I have been a professional reader, there are just certain things I have taken in a “karmic” irony, as far as the destiny and fate that can lead to cohabitation.
    I don’t think we can just assume that someone was not responsible just because there were financial problems. For instance, some of the victims working at companies such as Enron, etc. And the many who have been disadvantaged in this recession. In other words, some of the people who have financial problems can sometimes be victims due to the above.
    Moreover, in my experience, I have seen many unique paths that open the door to cohabitation. In the scenario of some people with fear issues, for any reason, I have seen delays in order to do this. Yet, the couple still stays together-living in separate places. Then, out of nowhere, I have seen the person who actually had the fear factor, who has delayed cohabitation, suddenly lose their job due to the reasons as I have mentioned above…..
    I have actually seen that type of cycle open the door in order to finally live together. And guess what? They ended up liking it. And when they finally got a good job, again, they stayed with living with their partner! Interestingly enough, some even married!
    I see this type of scenario as karma. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have seen this scenario work out. Sometimes things just happen for a reason. There are miraculous things in life that can get us out of “stuck.” Additionally, it would not be fair to assume that the person “settled” because they did end up staying, after they got a job, again.
    I would only hope, that when I was living separately from my partner, God forbid, that if I lost my job, that I could count on my partner to help me, and that is also including me living with them, if I could not afford to pay for my own place, due to a financial tragedy. Sometimes rainy day money is neither enough at the time, or just not available.
    Marriage is not for everyone. I agree. It depends. Sometimes marriage does not benefit the couple, financially. Finally, cohabitation can be a remedy for many of us. We all have had different paths in order to make those choices that open the door to cohabitation.
    Last, I would like to applaud you, again, on an excellent article. Actually, writing this, I realized that a lot of people agree with what you are saying. However, I feel a lot of people will see where I am coming from, as well. A paradox, perhaps?
    Hope you are doing well.
    Blessings,
    Miss Krystal

    Reply

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