The Four Times in Life You Get to Wallow

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Give Yourself Time to Grieve

In many cases, it’s best to make lemonade when life hands you those inevitable lemons. But looking on the bright side of life just isn’t always possible. Realistically, you can’t always be optimistic, all the time—especially when something major (and majorly bad, for that matter) happens to you. While you should encourage yourself to find the good amid the negative when you can, here are four situations when it’s okay to wallow.

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1. When Someone Close to You Dies
It’s basically impossible to be positive when you lose someone you love, whether it’s a parent, a partner or (god forbid) a child. Often, those around you will try to cheer you up with well-meaning phrases like “She’s in a better place now.” or “Focus on the good times you had with him.” But these words do little to ease the pain of permanent loss.

Instead of trying to force yourself to be optimistic and see the upside of death right away, allow yourself to wallow and to feel the sadness, anger, and any other emotion that come with this situation for you. Eventually, the sting of this loss will feel less biting, but it’s something that happens in time and on its own schedule.

2. When a Friend Betrays Your Trust
There’s really no upside to a breach in loyalty. However, it’s better you found out the person’s true colors. But when a friend hurts you, there’s little to feel optimistic about. You’ve essentially lost an important relationship in your life. Once a pal crosses you, it can be almost impossible to repair the bond. If anything, the closeness you once felt will never return. It’s very difficult to see the positive in that, especially when this happens with a best friend or life-long friend. In this situation, you have the right to wallow for a while.

3. When Your Partner Cheats on You
A lover betraying you is often worse than a friend’s betrayal. Finding out that your partner emotionally or physically sought a closeness (that you thought only you two shared) outside of your relationship is a horrible situation to be in. Sure, you may find comfort in the fact that the truth came out, but the reality is that the relationship you thought you had has been chugging along on a current of lies, so of course you’re going to wallow.

Not only will this situation affect your relationship but it may also cause you to have trust issues in the future. This makes it even more difficult to find anything positive about the infidelity. You may need to do some personal work to overcome this betrayal in order to truly love again. Eventually, however, you’ll find someone who loves and appreciates you, which is something to be optimistic about.

4. When You Realize Your Lifelong Dream Won’t Pan Out
We all dream about what we could be or could do with our lives. However, when these dreams become out of reach, we need to come to terms with the fact that what we want will never materialize. There’s definitely a grieving process that comes with the death of a dream and it’s important to give yourself time to mourn and wallow. Being positive about the other possibilities for your life will come in time, but allow yourself the space to heal from this disappointment first.

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7 thoughts on “The Four Times in Life You Get to Wallow

  1. Gloria Blackwell

    Life gives you many reasons to grieve and bringing it down to 4 reasons is not realistic. Grief is a personal journey and no one should tell you how or how long to grieve.

    Reply
  2. David Leeth

    Losing a loved one, but not to a death, you know where they are, but you can’t see them, how does one get over that ???

    Reply
  3. Suzana

    I’m so sorry for your loss. There really isn’t any set time span in which one is supposed to recover, unfortunately. I’ve experienced all of the above (for several times). One would assume that in such cases and over time you would learn how to overcome losses and “heal faster”. Sadly, that does not happen as quick as we would wish for. But it does. Take your time, try to engage in activities that you (used to) love as much as you can. One step at a time and it WILL happen. Occasional psychic readings worked for me, and they still do. Brightest blessings!

    Reply
  4. Miz Roz

    God will send u what u need when I need it. Because he is an on time God. No one can tell you when to be over such a tragic situation. Know that God will heal your hurt and your heart. It was your son. So let no one tell you to get over your child. Greiving is a process and only you will know when it’s time to let go of your love on. I wish you peace and healing through your healing process.

    Reply
  5. Sue Clarke

    How strange the timing of this to come through to my email inbox now. I am struggling so much with the loss of my son who committed suicide in February. Everyone expects me to be over it and to move on. It was so good to read this. Thank you…

    Reply
    1. Cy west

      I’m so very sorry to hear about your sons death. My boyfriend also took his life. Itll be 2 years on October 13. Let me tell you don’t listen to the people that say or make you feel like you’re supposed to just bounce back from that traumatic unfortunate situation. That was your child your everything your flesh and blood your reason for being. He is the person that made you a mother. A title that you will hold for the rest of your life. Your fears your hurt your emotions are so important and I hope you feel free enough to let those be heard. I felt like you did for so long. I held all my issues inside bc everyone seemed to move along with their lives so quickly. And each time I would bring his name up or bring my feelings up I felt like I was being swept under the rug with his memories and it hurt. Sorry I wrote so much I just know the pain of suicide and hate to know that there is anyone out there hurting as much as I did and still do. It never goes away but time does make it a little more manageable.

    2. Monique Stine

      Sue I am so sorry to hear about your loss. As a mother myself…I can not begin to imagine. Although we don’t know one another, you will be in my prayers this evening…

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