You can't make a relationship work all by yourself. If you're the only one putting in all the effort, then it just won't last. It takes two to tango. And if there's only one person on the dancefloor, it's time to find another partner, says Darlene ext. 9563.
This was the lesson she shared with Mary (not her real name), a 32-year-old writer from Los Angeles who had decided to call on a whim for some strength and support. "I am addicted to a man," she said with embarrassment. "We've been in a relationship for three years but the relationship has dramatically changed. At first he was pursuing me and now he really isn't committed. I only see him once every two weeks."
Mary was sick of feeling like an emotional yo-yo. She wanted help. The psychic, who has been giving professional readings for 25 years, asked Mary to repeat his name three times.
"I could tell right away that he wasn't an easy man. He was a handful. A pussycat one day and then a vicious leopard the next," she explained. Darlene confirmed that emotionally he was unavailable. She could also detect a streak of anger toward women, which she believed stemmed from his mother. And he had a hard time communicating. Deep down inside he wasn't happy with himself.
"Don't I know it," Mary retorted. Darlene had described her lover to a tee.
She had attracted an angry man who was unable to express his emotions. And yet, recalls Darlene, they had incredible chemistry.
"She was truly addicted to him. Every few weeks she would renounce him from her life and then she'd fall off the bandwagon. The attraction was that strong." Darlene went on to tell her that he had closed off to her and that he didn't have the emotional tools to open himself up to her again. He loved her but didn't have what it took to grow in a spiritual way. "But he keeps coming around, he must want me," Mary beckoned.
"Good heavans, I have to say that I believe the cards over what people say. This is your life and I don't believe you are getting what you deserve," Darlene emphatically stated. The line got really quiet.
Darlene added that her client had major abandonment issues and that she kept on playing them out with him. She kept on trying to make amends and fix things instead of realizing that in the big picture she was wasting her time.
As the conversation progressed, Mary realized that she had indeed tried her best. She had gone to Al-Anon to learn not to control him (or his drinking habits), she had put up with his impetuous nature and she had repeatedly forgiven his off-hand remarks. Enough was enough. How long was she going to waste on this guy? What did he give her back besides great sex and a few laughs?
Darlene strongly suggested she let the relationship go. It wasn't going to be over until she stood up for herself. He was content with seeing her occasionally. The psychic added that she saw her meeting a man in the horizon but the timing would be off unless she made space in her heart to love again. She also suggested that Mary read Ask & It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
It took many failed attempts but eventually Mary hankered down and went cold turkey. She worked hard not to call or text him or send him emails. She even went to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, per Darlene's advice. She kept in touch with Darlene and read the book she suggested. It took six months but she let him go and made space in her heart. With time, she could clearly see that they were not a proper match and that he'd been stringing her along.
Then one night she met another man on the dancefloor. He was the complete opposite of her ex. He was giving, open, spiritual and mature. And fortunately she had healed her heart and was able to open up to him. Now she has an actual partner to shimmy through life with.