Grace in Middleton writes:

My husband and I rarely ever get intimate with each other, which bothers me to no end. He seems to be more interested in X-rated things than in me. I feel that we're drifting apart so fast. We'll be married 9 years and I feel that there are older couples out there with a much better sex life than us. What can I do?

Dear Grace,

You really need to have more open communication with your husband. He truly isn't aware of the stress and strain his actions (and inactions) are having on you. As a matter of fact, there are a whole bunch of things that you two no longer talk about - which is adding to the feelings of drifting apart.

First of all, your sex drive does come through as higher than your husband's. In many ways, the man presents as "lazy in the bedroom." It's much less work for him to find stimulation from X-rated material and take care of business himself, than to initiate an intimate encounter.

But the intimacy the two of you once shared is fading on both the physical and emotional planes. Your relationship has become more of an accepted routine, overall - not just in the bedroom.

Let your husband know that you still find him attractive, are still interested in him sexually, and that you would like to get back the passion that is dwindling in your marriage. Since your husband does enjoy his porn-inspired fantasies, you may want to consider asking him to share his fantasies with you. Who knows? There is a possibility that the two of you could explore turning some of those fantasies into reality.

It can be challenging to keep the excitement flowing in a long-term relationship. Alter what has become routine to encompass some intimate time together. In addition, start to really communicate with each other, and add a touch of romance.

Sometimes, relationships require not both, but one partner to create change - or at least to start it! It will take some effort, but you can have a more fulfilling sex life… and marriage.

Good luck!

Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226