Whether you know it or not, you or someone you know has probably been victim of the "maybe if I like what they like, they'll like me syndrome." It starts off with a newfound interest in your date's favorite sport (you mean they actually put poker on TV?) or giving into their Friday night movie selection (yet another romantic comedy!) and before you know it, you've forgotten who you were as an individual before your new love came your way. Worse still is the situation where a person is not even yours yet and you find yourself bending.
Unfortunately, when love finally comes your way, the tendency can be to lose part - if not all - of yourself. The problem with that is becoming someone you aren't doesn't work in love any better than demanding your way all the time does. The key to a successful relationship is maintaining a healthy balance. This may seem like a new idea, but balance as an ideal goes all the way back to 500 BC when Lao Tzu wrote the Tao Te Ching and the familiar, black and white circle known as the yin-yang symbol was born. When it comes to balancing your relationship, having both yin and yang is a great place to start.
Take a look at the symbol itself. Two halves of a whole (notice one is not bigger than the other) with yin being black with some white in it and yang being white with some black in it. A complete, perfect circle where harmony is achieved. So the next time your love makes the assumption that you'll be going to a buddy's place for football on Saturday, if it's not to your liking, utilize both your yin and yang energy to nicely assert yourself and your needs. If your desire is to go shopping, they don't need to come - if it's to do something together, then maybe you can compromise and change plans altogether.
Conversely, the next time you have the burning desire to have yet another conversation defining your relationship when your love is happy just spending time together, stifle your urge to verbally share, share, share and instead pro-actively, physically experience something together. Choose an activity you both enjoy (hike, mini-golf, cook, whatever) and without discussing it, share the mutually receptive, clear and balanced experience that being together provides. While you're at it, be sure to take time for yourself, independent of your love, and do the things you used to do.
Don't forget your friends, your passions or your aspirations. While they may have to get used to not having you at their beck and call, when all is said and done, they'll appreciate the companionship of the whole person you've turned out to be!
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