When Venus Squares Mars

The art of romantic war

When Venus squares Mars it is a tempestuously hot day for passionate, sensual encounters. Yet, the bad news is it's also likely to be a day of hissy fits, emotional eruptions and daggers drawn. So, how can you be sure to get the loving - not the fighting? It's a matter of turning all that overflowing passion to a positive end.

First, it helps to know what you're up against - lovely Venus is in hard aspect to fiery, passionate Mars. These planets of love and passion are on edge, brimming with energy and tension. Venus is sulking, feeling put upon, undervalued and taken for granted. Meanwhile Mars is in his corner brooding over slights and glowering about being forced to once again have relationship conversations. In other words, the male and female energies in your relationship are at their most stereotypically expressed, most opposed, and most aroused.

With knowledge comes power, at least potentially. You know that things are at fever pitch, and you know that neither you nor your partner will feel understood or appreciated until the air is cleared. The task ahead then is to address any problems in a way that gets everything out in the open without doing damage to the relationship.

Here are some ground rules:

1. If it's necessary, set The Good Fight ground rules. No name-calling. No stonewalling. No violence. True aggression doesn't belong in your love nest. Take 10 deep breaths but keep potshots unslung.

2. State the problem as clearly as possible. If there's more than one issue, deal with them one at a time.

3. If you have something negative to say about your partner's behavior like, "You're always late." Rephrase it to state the problem as it affects you now, "You said you'd be home at 8 and it's 9 o'clock." Don't go into tangents - stay with the current issue and explain (calmly) how it makes you feel and why it bothers you.

4. If the problem is how you're feeling lately, say you're feeling unappreciated - don't complain. Restate this as an emotional expression. For example, don't say, "You never say you love me anymore." This will make your partner explode with a hundred examples of loving behavior you didn't even notice. To stay on the subject, instead say something like, "I miss feeling like I'm special to you." This is likely to elicit an understanding of your feelings of sadness and loss - without creating defensiveness.

5. Let your partner have their turn. Don't interrupt. Let your partner explain why they're steamed.

6. Don't expect your issues to be instantly solved - it will be enough for each of you to say your piece. Let things sink in for a while.

A disagreement, or the controlled venting of conflict, lets you deepen your relationship. It creates a sense of security because both partners know each other on more profound level, and can come to terms with the current state of the relationship. It opens up the possibility of change because deep, honest intimacy with darker feelings lets you both know that you're loved, for who you truly are, the good and the bad bits.

Channel all of the day's powerfully transformative energy into creating an honest, vital and real relationship. With everything off your chest, and the air cleared, all that passionate energy now has a chance to go where it belongs, into passionate tangles between the sheets.