Love Your Life, Love Yourself

Meet your perfect mate!

The key to welcoming love into your life is loving the life that you've already got. First of all, there's a logical element to this: if you spend your time sitting around complaining that you're not meeting anyone, what are your odds of actually meeting someone? Slim to none, since it's highly unlikely your perfect mate is going to walk in the door of your home!

Yet meeting someone is about more than changing your location. It's about the vibes you give off. Our external lives are reflections of our internal states, and if you're waiting for your life to begin when you partner up, it's going to be obvious - and not exactly sexy or inspiring. On the other hand, if you're a fulfilled, busy person (genuinely, not because you're trying to seem that way), it's going to exude from you - making you more attractive, especially to like minded people.

Who are you?
All of this isn't to say you should overbook your schedule or put on a smile when you're sad, it means getting in touch with yourself and doing the things you need to do to find contentment - other than spending your time looking for love. If you're an art buff, go to the museum regularly and attend gallery openings. If you're athletic, set out to run a 10K or even a half marathon. Find what fuels you and immerse yourself.

Get cenetered
While you're at it, consider incorporating as little as 10 minutes a day for meditation. Centering yourself will orient you in the moment. Being present helps make you happy - it gives you a sense of control in what can be an overwhelming world. If all of this sounds complicated, don't worry, you're not alone - nor do you have to do all of this by yourself (though you can if you want to). Enlist a friend with common interests in your endeavors - it will motivate both of you and solidify your commitment to self-care and happiness. Make a standing weekly movie date at your local artsy theater. Or commit to training together. Go for bi-weekly pedicures. Whatever you can do to make yourself feel your best inside and out will help to erase your loneliness and replace it with a sense of self-satisfaction. Not only will you feel more fulfilled, you won't feel so desperate for love... which of course will lead to finding it!

Stay true to you
Assuming all of this is true (try it out, you might be surprised!), there's a second, very important thing to remember about manifesting a lasting relationship. None of this stops when you meet someone who catches your fancy. Women in particular have a tendency to lose track of themselves when they get involved. While it's natural that a relationship becomes a priority, it cannot become your life. Research shows that couples who maintain individual lives and separate interests (as well as finding things they like to do together), fare better in the long run. There's no doubt individuals who take responsibility for their own happiness (rather than putting it in the hands of someone else, namely a mate), are more content on the whole. Accountability for your state of being is too much responsibility to hand over to someone else. Remember the universal truth that we each create our own reality. This doesn't end when you stop being single.

First moves
There's one last thing that you absolutely must remember as you become the person you want to be (in or out of a relationship). There are a zillion schools of thought on mating and relating. There are "rules" that say women can never make the first move. Feminists say go after what you want. None of this matters! What matters is that you be true to yourself. Individuals and situations are unique (even when they share common factors).

If you're anything other than yourself when you're working the dating game (or even after you've landed your mate), you're not doing anyone any favors. Your highest self is your truest self and by being (or becoming) that person, you'll guarantee yourself a shot at the best kind of love possible: true, unconditional love that is based on your strengths - and your weaknesses.