{"id":775000,"date":"2006-10-01T17:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-10-01T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/2006\/10\/red-responds-71.html\/"},"modified":"2016-05-11T16:42:51","modified_gmt":"2016-05-11T23:42:51","slug":"red-responds-71","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/psychic-questions\/red-responds-71.html","title":{"rendered":"Red Responds: The Marriage is an Empty Vessel"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Red,<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

I’m sorry for not using my real name, but there
\nis a good reason. I hate to admit it, but I had an affair with another
\nmarried woman, Lisa (not her real name). We met over the internet
\nand began chatting with each other because of dissatisfaction in our current
\nrelationships. I have been married 10+ years and have been unhappy
\nfor a long time and have seriously doubted I ever really loved my
\nwife. I have wanted to leave, but I have 2 children and am worried
\nabout the impact on them and me being away from them. Lisa has
\nbeen married a short time and has no kids. Anyway, we met had an
\nintense, passionate relationship, and fell in love. I had feelings
\nI had never felt before, it was wonderful. We talked of being
\ntogether. I started to go through marriage counseling, which was
\nlong overdue, and intended to get a divorce, but things have been
\nup and down with Lisa ever since.<\/p>\n

\n

As of about a month ago, she
\nsays she still has feelings for me, but wants to wait until things get
\nresolved with my marriage before seeing me, which I respect. She
\nsays it’s too hard and too much hurt to continue our relationship as it is
\nand she either has to not get emotional about the way it is now (sneaking
\naround, seeing each other for a few hours here and there), or have a real
\nrelationship with me. She even said she wasn’t sure she saw a fit
\nfor us long term because she plans to move away at some point when she can
\nafford to. So, I figured things were pretty much over and told
\nher if she wanted to see me to let me know. She knew how I felt
\nand we agreed to be friends and stay in touch via IM. At that
\npoint, I decided to tone down my contact with her and didn’t contact for like
\na week, and then very sporadically after. I was trying to forget
\nher, but couldn’t. When we chatted recently, she said she was
\nupset because it seemed like I didn’t have strong feelings for her anymore
\nand that I was pushing her away. Which was puzzling to me because
\nthat’s what I felt she was doing. Anyway, we’ve chatted more and I
\ntell her how I feel and she likes what I tell her. But, when I ask
\nher how she feels about me and whether there is any chance for us or if I
\nshould just try to forget her and move on, she doesn’t answer. Am
\nI crazy to keep hanging on? Is there any future with
\nher? Should I stay put and try to work on the marriage which I’ve
\ndone before? Will I ever find happiness and love with
\nsomeone?<\/p>\n

\n

Keith J. in Central New Jersey<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\n

Dear Keith,<\/p>\n

Quite a quandary you’ve got
\nthere. Indecision is a terrible
\nplace to live.<\/p>\n

Let’s start by breaking down your
\nsituation.<\/p>\n

Your marriage can continue on
\nindefinitely, if you choose to let it.
\nBut the reality of it is, it is an empty vessel. The structure is there, but that’s
\nit. You know what you have, you
\nknow how your life will be. If it
\nweren’t for the kids, you would have been gone long ago.<\/p>\n

As far as your children go,
\ndivorce is a hard and painful experience for them to go through. But so is living in a household where
\nboth Mom and Dad aren’t happy.
\nBelieve me, they pick up on it.
\nHow you raise them and what you teach them is what is really
\nmatters. Whether you’re married,
\ndivorced, single, or involved doesn’t change that, only alters the circumstance
\nand methodology. Your relationship
\nwith your kids is a completely separate entity from your relationship with your
\nwife.<\/p>\n

\n

As for your relationship with
\nLisa, it is filling a void for you.
\nWhile the two of you care about each other, neither one of you is
\nactually head-over-heals in love with each other. While this isn’t a bad connection or
\nrelationship, it is on “pause” until you decide what to do about your
\nmarriage.<\/p>\n

You can’t use your relationship
\nwith Lisa as a deciding factor in whether on not to stay married. They are separate issues, however
\nintertwined. While you can have a
\nrelationship with her, I don’t see it going the distance.<\/p>\n

Great love and happiness requires
\ntaking great risks to obtain. So
\nwill you ever find it? That really
\ndepends on you. Can you have
\nit? Yes, but there are sacrifices
\ninvolved in order to bring it to you.
\nSacrifices I don’t see you as being ready to make at this point in
\ntime.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, I see that you will
\neventually end your marriage, but it’s not looking like any time soon. When that time comes, I don’t see Lisa
\nbeing around. She’s not going to
\nwait for you.<\/p>\n

For the time being, put your
\nenergy into healing you. Finding
\nyour own sense of balance and inner peace is the first step in knowing how you
\nreally want your future to evolve, and then you will be able to make it happen;
\nwith a clear conscience.<\/p>\n

Best of luck to you.<\/p>\n

\n

Brightest Blessings,
\nRed
\nExt. 9226<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
Need help finidn your inner compass? Let one of our Love Psychics guide the way. Call 1.800.573.4830 or click here<\/a> now.<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Red, I’m sorry for not using my real name, but there is a good reason. I hate to admit it, but I had an affair with another married woman, Lisa (not her real name). We met over the internet and began chatting with each other because of dissatisfaction in our current relationships. I have been married 10+ years and have been unhappy for a long time and have seriously doubted I ever really loved my wife. I have wanted to leave, but I have 2 children and am worried about the impact on them and me being away from them. Lisa has been married a short time and has no kids. Anyway, we met had an intense, passionate relationship, and fell in love. I had feelings I had never felt before, it was wonderful. We talked of being together. I started to go through marriage counseling, which was long overdue, and intended to get a divorce, but things have been up and down with Lisa ever since. As of about a month ago, she says she still has feelings for me, but wants to wait until things get resolved with my marriage before seeing me, which I respect. She says it’s too hard and too much hurt to continue our relationship as it is and she either has to not get emotional about the way it is now (sneaking around, seeing each other for a few hours here and there), or have a real relationship with me. She even said she wasn’t sure she saw a fit for us long term because she plans to move away at some point when she can afford to. So, I figured things were pretty much over and told her if she wanted to see me to let me know. She knew how I felt and we agreed to be friends and stay in touch via IM. At that point, I decided to tone down my contact with her and didn’t contact for like a week, and then very sporadically after. I was trying to forget her, but couldn’t. When we chatted recently, she said she was upset because it seemed like I didn’t have strong feelings for her anymore and that I was pushing her away. Which was puzzling to me because that’s what I felt she was doing. Anyway, we’ve chatted more and I tell her how I feel and she likes what I tell her. But, when I ask her how she feels about me and whether there is any chance for us or if I should just try to forget her and move on, she doesn’t answer. Am I crazy to keep hanging on? Is there any future with her? Should I stay put and try to work on the marriage which I’ve done before? Will I ever find happiness and love with someone? Keith J. in Central New Jersey Dear Keith, Quite a quandary you’ve got there. Indecision is a terrible place to live. Let’s start by breaking down your situation. Your marriage can continue on indefinitely, if you choose to let it. But the reality of it is, it is an empty vessel. The structure is there, but that’s it. You know what you have, you know how your life will be. If it weren’t for the kids, you would have been gone long ago. As far as your children go, divorce is a hard and painful experience for them to go through. But so is living in a household where both Mom and Dad aren’t happy. Believe me, they pick up on it. How you raise them and what you teach them is what is really matters. Whether you’re married, divorced, single, or involved doesn’t change that, only alters the circumstance and methodology. Your relationship with your kids is a completely separate entity from your relationship with your wife. As for your relationship with Lisa, it is filling a void for you. While the two of you care about each other, neither one of you is actually head-over-heals in love with each other. While this isn’t a bad connection or relationship, it is on “pause” until you decide what to do about your marriage. You can’t use your relationship with Lisa as a deciding factor in whether on not to stay married. They are separate issues, however intertwined. While you can have a relationship with her, I don’t see it going the distance. Great love and happiness requires taking great risks to obtain. So will you ever find it? That really depends on you. Can you have it? Yes, but there are sacrifices involved in order to bring it to you. Sacrifices I don’t see you as being ready to make at this point in time. Ultimately, I see that you will eventually end your marriage, but it’s not looking like any time soon. When that time comes, I don’t see Lisa being around. She’s not going to wait for you. For the time being, put your energy into healing you. Finding your own sense of balance and inner peace is the first step in knowing how you really want your future to evolve, and then you will be able to make it happen; with a clear conscience. Best of luck to you. Brightest Blessings, Red Ext. 9226 Need help finidn your inner compass? Let one of our Love Psychics guide the way. Call 1.800.573.4830 or click here now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2341,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[33274,610],"tags":[7,1508,132,1507,323,516,317,16,234,206,1325,1229,74,1404],"cp_author":[3578],"class_list":["post-775000","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-relationships","category-psychic-questions","tag-astrology","tag-cancer","tag-capricorn","tag-gemini","tag-leo","tag-libra","tag-pisces","tag-psychic-reading","tag-psychics","tag-relationship-advice","tag-sagittarius","tag-scorpio","tag-tarot","tag-virgo","cp_author-psychic-red-ext-9226"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nRed Responds: The Marriage is an Empty Vessel | California Psychics<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dear Red, I'm sorry for not using my real name, but there is a good reason. 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