{"id":5913013,"date":"2013-07-20T00:00:19","date_gmt":"2013-07-20T07:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.californiapsychics.com\/?p=5913013"},"modified":"2016-05-03T14:12:01","modified_gmt":"2016-05-03T21:12:01","slug":"bad-breakup-red-responds","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/psychic-questions\/bad-breakup-red-responds.html","title":{"rendered":"Red Responds: Get Past a Bad Breakup"},"content":{"rendered":"

Get Over the Breakup and Enjoy Life Again<\/h4>\n

Aubrey from Jackson asks:<\/p>\n

I just recently broke up<\/strong><\/a> with someone, and he is being quite spiteful about it. He goes out of his way to flirt with my close friends just to make me jealous and miserable. Frankly, I can’t say he isn’t getting to me. He’s said horrible things behind my back to others. He’s said he dislikes me more and more every day, and that I’m affecting everybody negatively except for him. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that, but I assume that he believes that I’m being cruel to him in a way that makes him conclude that I’m only hurting myself and the people around me. All I know is that I have this unyielding hatred and bitterness inside me for him now. I want to be able to forget about him and move on. Please give me your thoughts.<\/em><\/p>\n

Psychic Red ext. 9226<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>Responds:<\/p>\n

Dear Aubrey,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry you have to endure such childlike games after a breakup<\/strong><\/a>. Unfortunately, and you should know this better than most, your ex often has a need to \u201clook good\u201d or be the center of attention. The avenues he takes to get the attention he craves isn\u2019t always the healthiest or kindest avenues, and you have the misfortune of being on the receiving end. Of course it\u2019s going to get to you. And, as some mutual friends are in the mix, he really trying to get a few people to take \u201csides.\u201d It\u2019s all very unpleasant, and very immature.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The thing is, Aubrey, you\u2019re processing and recovering from a breakup, so it\u2019s not like you\u2019ve been all smiles all the time. But, much to his dismay, you haven\u2019t been openly falling apart and wallowing because the relationship didn\u2019t work out till the end of days. That really gets to him. He\u2019s hurting, in his way, but he hasn\u2019t been seeing your pain, and that bugs him. He would feel more validated if you were a mess. Since you weren\u2019t, he\u2019s trying to make you into one. Realize that it is basically an immature mind game, and don\u2019t let him win. Heck, don\u2019t even play. Let it be known that you don\u2019t want to hear anything he\u2019s said about you from any of your friends, and keep your distance from him for a while until things blow over.<\/p>\n

While he certainly has done well in making you reevaluate everything you thought you knew, that was part of his point. Some part of him wants you to be as broken as he is, but that\u2019s not really your style. Instead of letting the hatred and rage grow in you, really think about the whole picture. It\u2019s not really worth the time or energy to hate someone that really warrants more pity than anything else. Understand that he\u2019s going to be a jerk,\u00a0but you don\u2019t have to react to it. You don\u2019t have to engage in the dramas, or you\u2019ll become that sullen, negative person he wants you to believe you have been. If anything, just let people know that you don\u2019t want them in the drama, and that you just want to move on with your life, and hope that he will do the same.<\/p>\n

All of the drama will die down and fade away. Time will take care of that. But, you need to consciously let go of the anger and hatred you have toward him. It serves no one, but it does hurt you. You don\u2019t have to like him. You don\u2019t even have to forgive him at this point, if that is something you aren\u2019t quite ready to do. But, you should find the joy in that you are no longer with him\u2014a man-child who goes to such extremes to make you uncomfortable, look like a loony bitch, and tries to justify his bad behavior by putting it off on you\u2014all while messing with your head in the process. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself and all those around you is laugh.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a tough time, but you\u2019ll get through it. You can\u2019t control what others do, but you can control how you react to it. Don\u2019t hate him because he\u2019s childish and weak. He can kick up as much dirt as he wants to but he can\u2019t stop you from moving on, unless you let him. You know the truth, and now you have a better view of who he really is\u2014and a list of reasons why he isn\u2019t good enough for you. So, stick to the facts, let go of the hate (which binds him to you, in an unhealthy way) and wake up tomorrow knowing that you are moving on.<\/p>\n

Take care of yourself.<\/p>\n

Brightest Blessings,<\/p>\n

Red<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Do you have a question for Red?\u00a0Ask Red your question now.<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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