{"id":5358086,"date":"2010-12-15T06:00:03","date_gmt":"2010-12-15T14:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.californiapsychics.com\/?p=5358086"},"modified":"2010-12-15T09:51:53","modified_gmt":"2010-12-15T17:51:53","slug":"6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html","title":{"rendered":"6 Ways to Stop Being an Enabler"},"content":{"rendered":"

It would be a lot easier to write this article if I had no experience with being an enabler. I could just spout things I’ve read about, refer you to the latest articles<\/strong><\/a>, and send you off to a support group with a box of tissues. Let’s get real.<\/p>\n

How healthy is it to give yourself completely<\/strong><\/a> to someone? Aren\u2019t you tired of making excuses for their behavior or chemical dependency? Are you enjoying doing everything for him\/her\/them? Do you feel guilty if you don\u2019t help? Where is your life? When is it time for you?<\/p>\n

Once I realized that I was worthy of having a better life, I found the courage to put things into perspective and take action. I haven’t tried everything, but I’ve learned a few things along the way that might help you change.<\/p>\n

1. Reflect<\/strong><\/p>\n

I used to cringe every time I reflected on my past relationships. I could point to many times where I allowed my friends, lovers, parents, co-workers, and complete strangers to walk all over me. Their needs came first. They were more important than me. There were those who always needed my help, and I drowned in their needs. Over time, I forgot who I was and became everything they needed.<\/p>\n

Take some time to look at your past and current relationships. This is not a time to beat yourself up over past actions. Instead, look at the facts. Write them down. Make the situations tangible. Were there times that you did things for someone that they could have done themselves? Did you think about their feelings before your own? Did you give into their actions thinking that things would eventually get better?<\/p>\n

With this knowledge comes awareness. Now that you are aware of these instances, look for them again in your everyday interactions. Your reaction and new actions might surprise you!<\/p>\n

2. You Are Not the Answer to Everything<\/strong><\/p>\n

As a people-pleaser and a self-proclaimed problem-solver, this was a hard one for me to tackle. Sometimes, I felt it was just easier for me to fix it and move on with life. It wasn’t until I met a wonderful man, who is now my fianc\u00e9, that I realized I was actually getting in the way of his growth. He lovingly asserted that he could handle things himself. Suddenly, I was set free. How scary is that? After years of being entangled with everyone’s life, I only had my own life left. The one life I didn’t want to deal with.<\/p>\n

3. Reconnect to Yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n

I spent some time reconnecting to myself. It was exciting and exhilarating to rediscover long lost loves – like bluegrass music, meditation, gardening, and photography. Find out what you enjoy. Look for your long lost hobbies and get entrenched!<\/p>\n

During this time, you might also need to talk to others like yourself who are recovering enablers. I did. I met with psychotherapists and hypnotherapists<\/strong><\/a>. Find the healthy solution for you today.<\/p>\n

4. Get Busy with Your Own Life<\/strong><\/p>\n

I got involved with my local community, volunteered at events, picked up freelance jobs, and took weekends away by myself. I was so busy that when I finally reconnected with people that I didn\u2019t have a lot of time to get involved with their lives. Of course, when there was an emergency or an event that I wanted to be a part of, I would be there for them. Otherwise, my life was my own.<\/p>\n

5. Walk Away<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>There were relationships that were not healthy. I had friends that needed a lot more help than I could give, and I realized that they weren\u2019t going to get it with me in the way. These people were using me as an excuse not to get professional help. So, sadly, I left their lives wishing them well. It was heartbreaking. It was not easy. It was necessary.<\/p>\n

6. Enable Them
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Instead of doing everything for everyone, I gave suggestions and ideas for them to implement. Eventually, people relied on me more for advice than actually doing something for them. It felt good to see someone else succeed on their own, just like I was succeeding on my own.<\/p>\n

What’s ahead for your <\/em>life<\/strong>?<\/strong> Try a psychic reading. Call 1.800.573.4830<\/span> or choose your psychic now. <\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Being an enabler can hold you back from the life you should be leading. Learn how to get untangled from everyone else’s life and find your own.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6533,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[2641,589,4577,103,1296,1607,17701,678,17700,283,17702,9343,1489,2335,9706,2716,1651,1653,5600,6524,6899,10979,2551,234,17699,17698,1366,206,5224,6516,11774,3071,1926],"cp_author":[7596],"class_list":["post-5358086","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mind-body-spirit","tag-addiction","tag-advice","tag-aware","tag-awareness","tag-career","tag-change","tag-chemical-dependency","tag-courage","tag-drug-addict","tag-emotional-health","tag-enable","tag-enabler","tag-family","tag-fiance","tag-freelance","tag-friends","tag-health","tag-healthy","tag-higher-self","tag-hobbies","tag-hypnotherapy","tag-mental","tag-parents","tag-psychics","tag-psychotherapist","tag-psychotherapy","tag-reconnect","tag-relationship-advice","tag-strangers","tag-substance-abuse","tag-succeed","tag-support-group","tag-volunteer","cp_author-california-psychics"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n6 Ways to Stop Being an Enabler | California Psychics<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Being an enabler can hold you back from the life you should be leading. Learn how to get untangled from everyone else's life and find your own.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"6 Ways to Stop Being an Enabler | California Psychics\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Being an enabler can hold you back from the life you should be leading. Learn how to get untangled from everyone else's life and find your own.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"California Psychics\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-12-15T14:00:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2010-12-15T17:51:53+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"dmarantz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"dmarantz\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html\",\"name\":\"6 Ways to Stop Being an Enabler | California Psychics\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2010-12-15T14:00:03+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2010-12-15T17:51:53+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/5c8bb38408feb57ed1a0f258f86a4787\"},\"description\":\"Being an enabler can hold you back from the life you should be leading. Learn how to get untangled from everyone else's life and find your own.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"6 Ways to Stop Being an Enabler\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"California Psychics\",\"description\":\"Psychic Readings | Live Phone Psychics\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/5c8bb38408feb57ed1a0f258f86a4787\",\"name\":\"dmarantz\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/761cfc95bae08994aabc5481dd6a5226bcb616a05f92b9b8f4b434ad88d2a4fe?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/761cfc95bae08994aabc5481dd6a5226bcb616a05f92b9b8f4b434ad88d2a4fe?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"dmarantz\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/author\/dmarantz\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"6 Ways to Stop Being an Enabler | California Psychics","description":"Being an enabler can hold you back from the life you should be leading. Learn how to get untangled from everyone else's life and find your own.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"6 Ways to Stop Being an Enabler | California Psychics","og_description":"Being an enabler can hold you back from the life you should be leading. Learn how to get untangled from everyone else's life and find your own.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html","og_site_name":"California Psychics","article_published_time":"2010-12-15T14:00:03+00:00","article_modified_time":"2010-12-15T17:51:53+00:00","author":"dmarantz","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"dmarantz","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html","url":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html","name":"6 Ways to Stop Being an Enabler | California Psychics","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/#website"},"datePublished":"2010-12-15T14:00:03+00:00","dateModified":"2010-12-15T17:51:53+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/5c8bb38408feb57ed1a0f258f86a4787"},"description":"Being an enabler can hold you back from the life you should be leading. Learn how to get untangled from everyone else's life and find your own.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/mind-body-spirit\/6-ways-to-stop-being-an-enabler.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"6 Ways to Stop Being an Enabler"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/","name":"California Psychics","description":"Psychic Readings | Live Phone Psychics","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/5c8bb38408feb57ed1a0f258f86a4787","name":"dmarantz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/usw2-www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/761cfc95bae08994aabc5481dd6a5226bcb616a05f92b9b8f4b434ad88d2a4fe?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/761cfc95bae08994aabc5481dd6a5226bcb616a05f92b9b8f4b434ad88d2a4fe?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"dmarantz"},"url":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/author\/dmarantz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5358086","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6533"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5358086"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5358086\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5865812,"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5358086\/revisions\/5865812"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5358086"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5358086"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5358086"},{"taxonomy":"cp_author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.californiapsychics.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cp_author?post=5358086"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}