You may not be aware of it, but sometimes that age-old adage is true: you are your own worst enemy. Oftentimes it’s the subtle negative self-talk (“What if I can’t…” “I am so stupid!” “I’ll never be able to…”) that clutters our minds and prevents us from seeing who we really are – and what we can truly accomplish.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Slippery slope A really helpful book for these sorts of issues was written by a psychologist named Edmund J. Bourne. According to his seminal work, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook<\/em>, when it comes to negative thoughts, there tend to be four personality trends – the worrier, the critic, the victim and the perfectionist. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n How to win Counterstrike! <\/strong> Situation: “What if my career and relationship go into a tailspin, and I can’t do anything about it?”<\/em><\/p>\n<\/p>\n Counter-argument: “I can breathe and take care of things one step at a time. Just because one thing looks difficult right now does not mean that all of my happiness will be in jeopardy.”<\/em><\/p>\n<\/p>\n Affirmations I can learn to cope with this, and with any difficulty life will bring. <\/em><\/p>\n <\/em><\/p>\n I will not feed worry – I choose peace over fear.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/em><\/p>\n I am a person of integrity and purpose.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/em><\/p>\n I am lovable and capable.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/em><\/p>\n My feelings and needs are important.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/em><\/p>\n I don’t have to be perfect to be loved.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/p>\n And remember – to read more about eliminating those negative thoughts, check out The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook<\/em>.<\/p>\n
<\/strong>You know the story – it starts with one negative thought in a moment of weakness, and next thing you know, you’re fretting about what might<\/em> happen 20 years down the road! Well, here’s a newsflash – even though you think you are master of your destiny and have control, there are too many variables out there. So why worry about what could<\/em> happen? Focus on the now!<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
<\/strong>Think about situations that plague you – gas prices are hurting your wallet, your relationship is rocky, your job isn’t your favorite place to be – and analyze your thought patterns. If you’re a worrier<\/em><\/strong>, you’ll want to concentrate on leaving your “what ifs” at the door. It’s good to be prepared for a worst-case scenario, but apart from that, your excessive hypotheticals don’t help anyone. If you’re overly self-critical (critic<\/em><\/strong>) – sure, you may have made bad decisions in your life, but there is no reason to tell yourself you suck. Try something more positive – it will lift your mood. For the “why me” people (victim<\/em><\/strong>), think about how much you accomplish when you feel hopeless, and then think about how easy it is to rise to an occasion when you have a positive outlook. Perfectionists<\/em><\/strong> – you’re not perfect. Your self-worth is not dependent on getting that “A.”<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Now that you’ve done some analyzing, write out your most worrisome issues, and include details on what bothers you most. Next, write out alternative arguments. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
<\/strong>Writing things out and recognizing patterns are the first steps toward recovery. Affirmations will help calm you, and keep you moving toward a positive future. Some general ones you might want to try include:<\/p>\n<\/p>\n