Sex Q&A: Will He Ever Be Faithful?

Getting the Unfaithful Virgo to Behave

Stacy asks:

How do I get my partner of eleven years to remain faithful? He treats me great, I get anything I desire from him, but those are material things. He’s not leaving the relationship—our sex life is great, very great. So then why is he being unfaithful? He’s a Virgo. How can I get him to stop? I’ve had enough—I want it to be me and me alone. I’ve never been unfaithful to him and we have a son.

Liam’s Response:

Thank you for writing in. With this situation we are once again faced with the irony and conflict of human nature as it struggles to find its way through the sprawling labyrinth of social constraint and construct. Your ideal of the life-time, pair-bonded couple isn’t at all atypical, but it is a rather childish delusion of the western mind to insist on believing such a relationship should exist free from the torments and drives of chthonian nature. Some say such pairings are made as a kind of buffer against the ravages, the ecstasies and wanton delirium of our reptilian selves. True pair bonding actually does have its place in the modern scheme. But, an open mind and the ability to adapt are the keys to its survival. The rigidity of each partner much be sacrificed for the sake of the pair.

When I went into the energy of this situation I experienced a series of visions. They were rapid, disjointed and symbolic as such things usually are. First, I encountered an image of Tinker Bell, the delightful winged fairy of Walt Disney fame. Then I was given a series of images of a man in a suit. He stood amid a gritty city scene beside a black sedan. As I interpreted the imagery I knew that Tinker Bell would be yourself; a symbol of your pie-in-the-sky, fairytale ideals regarding human relations and certainly, a glaring indication of your role as support agent and sidekick to your partner Peter Pan. I believe he revealed himself as a dark man in a suit with an older model car in a sort of Starsky and Hutch, circa 1974 fashion as a subconscious representation of how you see him right now; sleazy and sneaky, always hustling and conning and just utterly cheap.

All symbolism and fascinating imagery aside, the simple fact of the matter is that your partner sleeps with other women because that’s what humans do. They have affairs… they sleep around. Men do it. Women do it. Men just get caught far more often, as some of my readers have pointed out. That, my dear, is life. It’s been going on for a very long time, and I doubt it will stop any time soon. From what I see you’ve got a good life and you enjoy a lot of good things. Life could be so much worse for you. But you have tried from the beginning to make this man something he is not. Something he never will be. You even got pregnant thinking that having his child would change him. It didn’t. And do you know why? Because you let him behave the way he does so you can hate him for it. You knew this guy was a lady’s man the first time you met him and you’re with him still, after many years of his loving other women, which tells him in no uncertain terms that he can damn well do whatever he pleases. Why shouldn’t he?

Obviously, you’re not so devastated by his indiscretions that you’ll turn your back on the money and the stability. You get mad, you throw some tantrums and say you’ve had it… But every time, he calls your bluff and you cave in, happy to have one more chance to play the role you love best: the victim. Only you can change the pattern at this point because, believe me, he’s not going to. So your options are to leave and find someone more in line with your world view… Or stick it out, and quit complaining.

Liam

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25 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Will He Ever Be Faithful?

  1. rosemary

    well,another day and deeper in trouble. i know my virgo has`airl friend,he won’t admit to it,so, i quit my job to stay home`all the time,and not give `him a chance to see`her.i also knowhe`has a big crush,or mad love for an old friend if ours. sheis not interested in him. on his computer i found an e-mail from her,pur friend,he keeps it open to that e-mail,and, i guesshe reads every day. i believe he is obssed with her,a year or so ago he`was in the hot tub alone with her and and tried to sexually asault her. this e-mail he` saved is 2 and half years old……………… does anyone have`any ideas on what to do,i am at my wits end,i would love to leave,but i have no money.is he a teenager still or physco. help……………………………

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  2. owner

    Stacy,Ive been in the same situation for the past eight years and we have a son.I left that relationship because i couldn’t handle it any more.It was too much.He always cheated on me,i forgave him but he never changed.He kept telling me how much he loves me,but then he cheats again.From my experience if a man cheats he will never stop.Just leave him for good.It is hard but you will get over him.There are other loving and respecting men out there, you will find one.You don’t deserve this kind of life.Life is too short to waste on someone who is cheating on you.Just move on.Compliments in advance for the coming year!

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  3. Mck

    Ahh, but the readers criticizing Liam for what he says do not consider the fact that although this man did make vows and ask her to marry him, he wanted the best of both worlds. A loving,stable wife and family AND to prowl around jumping from bed to bed with other women. Quite frankly, even though I’m a woman, I’d go as far as saying that this man is living pretty much what most men dream of living, and if given the chance, most men would live that way.

    She knew from the get go that he was a ladies man, she is not leaving him and possibly married because he has the money and stability. I don’t think this woman is that naive, she knew what she was getting into from the get go. Too often people make excuses for not creating a better life for themselves or they play the victim. Allowing someone to play the victim is feeding the monster.

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  4. Aimee

    Liam. Right On again.
    I tell women this and I tell men this who are waiting for their wives to leave them.
    He is addicted to his prowess and she is addicted to being the victim.
    I am addicted to truth and amused by most everything.
    ~Aimee an intuitive muse.

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  5. Lotus Blossom 81

    Wow Liam… When I first began to read this, I couldn’t believe your audacity… but then I completed the article, and understood. It is a harsh and needed dose of realism. I agree with the critique you gave the reader- a sort of tough love on steroids truth, but I have to believe that your bleak social commentary can’t be the whole case. I don’t believe that one man one woman is an antiquated, childish, naive, and delusional ideal. I have to believe that faithful love is still possible in the world we live today. In any case, your indictments were provocative, if not refreshing. Scalding, yet a wake-up call nonetheless.

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  6. browneyesbrowneyes

    Very blunt Liam, lol. But also very honest. I love this response from you. No sugarcoating and no fairytales. This is exactly the sort of advice that everyone needs when they seek the advice of a psychic. Bad news or the truth is sometimes hard to hear but in the long run it does us more good than coddling.

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  7. Phoenix

    Great response. I can’t say he is right or that she is but it is human nature to sow seeds. I hope she chooses to stay and accept the man she has and the life he gives and provides. Lord knows monogamy is tough for any man or woman. I certainly hope though she realizes this and loves the man she is with for who he is. Surely he loves her….he stays when he could leave doesn’t he?

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  8. Diane Crane

    Liam, I agree with you. This person should accept what she has in this relationship or leave. I’ll tell her one thing, though. I would not have had a child with someone who had the characteristics of always looking around (for something better?). I would have called it quits with the lizard. Let him hump the whole female world if he wants to. that behavior would have gotten old mighty fast with me. When you have a child, the CHILD comes first, not you. Too many children are left lacking because the PENIS won out. Sex and love often are two different things!! No, I personally do not have kids. I made that (responsible) decision a long time ago.

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  9. Karen

    Really your making this her fault for being a faithful wife… are you serious. Do you not get that this man asked her to marry him, which told her that he was ready to settle down. And please you have the nerve to say it’s what we humans do ( cheat ).. Really. That’s just a poor excuse for him to continue doing what he’s doing and not making him be accountable for his bad behavior. I will give you this, she has allowed him to continue to treat her the way he is, and yes she should leave and find someone who would appreciate and value her for the person she is. However you also accused her of staying because of the material things; which is HOG Wash. Did you ever stop to think that this woman pulls her weight, and then some in that marriage by being a good spouse, mother, as well as the emotional and most likely also works a full-time job. Which by the way says that she is 1/2 of that partnership and is carrying her weight physically, emotionally, and financially. Why shouldn’t the husband pull his head out of his proverbial butt, and learn to appreciate and cherish the woman HE CHOSE TO MARRY. No one forced him to ask her to marry him, and no one is forcing him to be a cheater either. IT’S A CHOICE …..JR.

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  10. lynda

    I’m in exactly then same situation as you are… But I just can’t seem to leave him. I constantly throw it in his face every chance I get because I can forgive but I will never forget. This has been his seconds time in a year that he has done it. But I do know what you are going through and Liam you are exactly right because I know that he is not gunna quit and he can get off easy. Like you said either we leave them or shut up and quit b—ing about it!!

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  11. athena

    Once the emotion of consistent hate enters the picture, something will give. The way the energies are moving, Stacy is getting ready to call it quits. If she was secure in the belief that she is unique to her lover and as mentioned he is not leaving, this relationship would remain a pair bonding. However, HATE and VICTIM MENTALITY put together are bound to have a snowball effect and break the relationship. In my opinion if Stacy’s thought patterns were positive (focusing on all she has in this relationship), the relationship could definately be preserved if that is her true desire to save it. However, if “Divorce” is on her mind (she has already gone their mentally many times), then, “Divorce” is bound to happen sooner or later.

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  12. Jo

    Liam, this was too harsh, I would like to believe there is some faithful humans out there somewhere but am yet to meet one.
    Your last paragraph was right on, as harsh as I think you sounded your keeping it real with her and that’s life.

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  13. Sue

    That was not a professional or reasonable answer to a devoted and caring partner who deserves more from her selfish spouse. I am disappointed.

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  14. Musashi

    Yes, I agree and it’s not because I’m a man. It’s scientific fact. We are still part of the animal kingdom and the only stronger instinct to propagate the Human race, is shelter/Food/protecting yourself&Family.

    How do you expect to change the instincts of Humans when it’s been this way for over 250,000 years? Also, remember for every Man that cheats , he mostly cheats with a Women. Women cheat as much as Men. Just like Liam mentions, men get caught more often. Women are more discreet.

    Actually it’s the Lawyer’s/Justice System/Entertainment (E.g. Oprah) & Western World that promotes this behavior “sin to cheat” behavior thru propaganda especially targeting Women – again the 1% trying to rip off the 99%!!!

    FYI, this behavior is well tolerated in Asia and older cultures. They have much more pragmatic understanding of Life in general.

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  15. Jesi

    Liam, you’re so right. When a person shows you who they are believe them . Then make a decision as to your own course of action. Whether to accept or move on is about YOU not the other person.

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  16. Michelle

    Liam is very right about this. I have been struggleing with a man who has been lying to me about myself, while all along on with pornography and cheating on me. When i caught him, at my son’s birthday party no less, he said he wanted to treat me the way i deserved to be treated form the beginning of our relationship, and that he loved me etc… he still continues to cheat and see prostitutes. I’m leaving him. It’s the only way to go as Liam points out or stop complaining. Yes, I’m scared, but far more scared to stay. Here’s the other thing, the more we women stay and put up with the bad behavior, the more the men justify their actions because they say to themselves “all men do it and most women stay” (from dependency). Is this what we want to teach our offspring? Is this is how you treat a lady? Best to go and have integrity.
    Michelle

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  17. -quinn ext. 5484

    hi stacy, im also married to a virgo and he is faithful. going into this marriage that was one of the things that had to be. cheat and be gone. been there done that with a cancer husband. 17 years of that nonsense.

    getting a man of any sign to stop cheating is something that could happen or might not ever happen. love and sex are two different things. and if he just cheats randomly or has affairs that go on and on you have different ways to view his actions to make it easy to live with or pack his stuff up and send him on his way.

    the cheater who has random sex – is still a boy, checking out if he got the best deal by marrying you.
    the cheater who has affairs – needs more assurance to boost his ego and by servicing more than one woman on more than one level he feels like king kong.

    it is not about you the woman. it is all about the man. some guys do stop out of fear of losing the love of their life (wife) some stop because they get in big trouble, there is a list of possibilities that can happen if someone cheats that affect the whole family or more than one family or other people.

    in the end like Liam says it is your choice to stay with him or leave. but changing a mans nature (and talking from experience) is not likely to happen.
    yet, winter always turns to spring and life’s lessons do allow growth and wisdom and the value of faithfulness to come into play.
    happy new year to you stacy,
    -quinn ext. 5484

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  18. VONCILE

    PEACE BE WITH YOU, LIAM
    I just wanted to thank you it seems that we have a pretty good connection. I just read this
    article and found it quite interesting it reminded me of something you told me regarding affairs.
    Early friday afternoon I saw your face and knew immediately, you wanted me to read this article.
    Friday evening I had a very brief dream of a person that I correspond through mail that seems very similar to the second part of what you are describing in the paragraph above. In my dream
    the man wore all black and the car was a brand new black vehicle. I’m thinking; is this scenario
    something to look forward to 1 regarding my mail correspondent or 2) the person who will be re-entering into my life again after so many years. Please get back to me about this if you get the time. THANK YOU

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  19. Tracey

    EXCUSE ME???? It’s attitudes like yours that condone separation and divorce! While you sprout your views on polygamy, you fail to understand the consequences of broken marriages on society, ppl and particularly children.

    My husband BROKE his marriage vows by having an 18 month affair. The vows that promised faithfulness!! If he wanted polygamy then he should never have made those vows or got married. Now my life and world have been turned upside down as well as that of my children. Because I earn a much lower wage, we are now dependent on welfare from the government whereas before didn’t receive any financial assistance.

    Divorce has a HUGE negative consequence on ppl and society. Many divorces occur because of extra-marital affairs because ppl will not take responsibility for their actions and insist on blaming others for cheating, lying and betrayal.

    NOONE forces anyone to have an affair. It is a CHOICE – an INAPPROPRIATE choice and the blame and responsibility stops with that person and noone else.

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  20. hanan

    if this man wants to change himself and be faithful , he will do, if he really loves his girlfriend, but his girlfriend must show to him that she doesn’t like this, if he insist to be one man for more than one woman, she must leave him, better for her.

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  21. Debbie Palen

    Dear Stacy,

    The relationship you are in is not healthy. You need to decide if it what you want out of life. Do you want your husband to give you a disease that will kill you and leave your child without a mother? Do you want your son to learn that this behavior is ok to do in his future relationships? I suggest you read Mort Fertel’s book. He is very good at suggestioning ways to help marriages. Best of luck to you and try to have a happy holiday season.

    Reply

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